Written today by a former student, “Scott Sonnon has no real enemies. He is only intensely disliked by all of his friends.”
I hear your anger and fear: anger that you perceive me as succeeding where you believe you have not; and fear that you’ve have had something taken from you and you lack the control to reclaim your power and control.
Why do you feel that you’ve failed? Is it insecurity in your current financial situation, anger toward yourself for perceived inadequacies, or fear that abandonment leaves you vulnerable and without support? What truly threatens you?
When we blame others and need to tear them down to rationalize our circumstances and validate our hurt feelings, we must answer these questions candidly to ourselves if we want to heal and move forward. We must make ourselves first accountable, transparent to the truth, in order to reclaim our power.
Our first line of defense against these emotional gremlins lies with immediate recognition and self-check:
–> Why am I jealous over this?
–> What is making me feel jealous?
–> What am I trying to take back, or keep, or feel I’ve lost?
–> Why do this person’s behavior or actions threaten me?
Don’t be deprecating; use compassion to self-assess the green eyed monster attacking outward.
Often, when we answer these questions immediately, we clear the murky emotional waters and discover baseless self-accusations, such as, “I know just as much as him but I’m not successful” or “He pretends like he’s such a good person, but I won’t act like I’m better than I am just to help more people.” You can choose to change self-defeating beliefs. If you know just as much as another person, and you perceive them as successful, celebrate that the possibility of your success has been externally corroborated! And for God’s sake, be yourself, but you are much, much bigger, better and smarter than you can ever imagine, so you may just need to start by pretending you’re better than you think you are, until you REALIZE that you ALREADY ARE!
Take a look at your posture, your breathing patterns and your tension throughout your body when you feel this way. Even if you can’t dispel these negative emotions through your mental check-ins, start by sitting or standing upright tall and proud, slow your exhale and inhale only through your nose, and do some type of exercise until you can relax your tension. Change your body, and you can change your emotional state.
Apologize to yourself for this subtle form of self-abuse. You cannot take a step forward when you imagine someone holds you back. Only you can mentally imprison your potential, so say you are sorry for the self-imposed limitation, let it go and take action. Avoid blaming others. Embrace personally accountability. Keep your feelings transparent to yourself (or a trusted loved one, or relevant health care professional). And always self-assess strongly negative feelings as they appear. Apologize, let go and get going.
Learn from powerfully negative emotions. They are the mirror reflection of your empowering positivity. When you feel frightened by someone’s success, that exact same fear is the inverted experience of exhilaration in the validity of your own possible success. When you feel angered that others have done what you feel you could have, that precise anger represents the mirror of your courage to take action on your perceived obstacle. When emotions feel so strongly negative, that repulsion is a SIGN to pay attention, but instead of looking at its shadow (the negative reflection), turn and look at the brilliance casting it.
And you’ll find that it’s you…
Trust yourself. If you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others. Compare yourself only against your unlimited potential, and then compassionately acknowledge what the next step will be in accepting your personal power back into your life. Practice healthy thinking, moving and breathing on a daily basis. Avoid destructive thoughts, movements, tensions and breaths.
YOU have no real enemies, and those you strongly dislike may be your strongest advocates, if you give yourself a chance to celebrate your own potential.