Val's log -- glad to be here!

[vjlawren]

I'm excited about being in this tribe! Per Scott's advice, while wanting to get started but waiting for the Warrior Wellness tapes, here's my first log!

Monday 5/24/04
Time/Duration: 6:40 pm - 5 minutes
Place: My kitchen
Selection: Danced my butt off to Saturday Night Fever soundtrack :D
Sets/Reps: 1 5-minute set; reps n/a
Rest: no breather this time
RPE: 5
RT: 8 (I like the way I dance!)
RPD: 1
Sensations: Felt like I was being breathed; breath seemed to flow easily, right shoulder tight to begin with but felt a bit looser at the end. Body loose.
Feelings: elated, invigorated, sexy, joyous, powerful. scared.
Images: disco, mirror ball :wink: nothing personal this time
Thoughts: sexy is powerful. sexy is scary. My breath is not what it used to be -- need to build up cardio fitness. No wonder I don't move more. It's powerful and power is scary.
Questions: none today

Hope this is okay for a start! --val

[Scott Sonnon]

Off to a great start, Val! Welcome aboard!

[rbibbs]

That sounds great Val! A soundtrack you can feel and express physically is a 'mind-body connection'.

IMHO, you're doing exactly what's right for you. :D

[Connie Brown]

Danced my butt off to Saturday Night Fever soundtrack :D
I love this Val. So glad to see you here.
Did you put on the white suit or were you that girl? HA HA HA HA

[vjlawren]

I love this Val. So glad to see you here.
Did you put on the white suit or were you that girl? HA HA HA HA

HA HA HA! Actually later I remembered a dress I used to wear "back then" so I guess I was the girl :)

AM Log, Tuesday 5/25/04
7:00
Place: living room
Selection: Dance, "Landlord's Walk" by Blair Douglas (Scots, bagpipes and lots of drumming)
Rest: 10-second rest to re-cue the track (hey, maybe I'll compile a cassette!)
RPE: 5
RT: 9
RPD: 1
Sensations: loosening up, feels good after sleep. thought right shoulder (deltoids & upper traps) was "the tight one" but turns out, left is tight too, just in a different way. Pecs also tight. Hips feel pretty loose. Breathing more freely.
Feelings: exuberance. abandon. safety.
Images: I must be really cued by what I listen to :) Kilts, bagpipes, and recalling seeing Alasdair Fraser (fiddler) in concert.
Thoughts: Moving is FUN. I knew that before. Dancing is FUN. Why haven't I been doing it?

that's all for now --val

[vjlawren]

Mid-day:
Didn't really get a session in - first day back at work, and meetings overlapped,and I was doing well to even get lunch (I did get lunch, though, I insisted!)

However, while walking to my car right after lunch for my second meeting:
Sensations: tight, brittle, crumbly shoulders
Feelings: Bummed that the same old stuff came back so quickly
Images: metal fatigue. Brittleness.
Thoughts: how much longer can I keep doing this job?

PM session,
6:35, right after dinner
Place: my bedroom
Selection: Dance, "landlord's walk" 5 minutes
Sets/Reps: 1 set, reps n/a
rest: none
RPE: 5
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: blood circulating, oxygen reaching cells. head hurts a bit but better.
Feelings: I want to cry. Also feel much less brittle; smoother, more pliable. Body and spirit both. Not as joyous as before; more like back "up" to baseline.
Images: Band-aids. I can do this movement, I love it,and it will help, but as long as I'm working where I'm working, the movement is only a band-aid to cover all the damage I continue to do.
thoughts: working at this job is not good for me.
Questions: is it okay to post one day's logs all as one post?

[Scott Sonnon]

Valerie,

Yes, you can post all at once, as long as you recorded them separately as they happened in your written journal.

Drink more water if your head still hurts today. Maybe toxins releasing. Crying's good medicine.

It may be only a band-aid now, but it will soon become salve, then ointment, then raw, healing energy.

[vjlawren]

It may be only a band-aid now, but it will soon become salve, then ointment, then raw, healing energy.

wow. I can feel this. Thanks for the reassurance! --val

[vjlawren]

Wednesday 5/26

AM time: 6:30
Place: Kitchen
Selection: Dance & move around, more Scottish music
Sets/Reps: 1 set; reps n/a
Rest: no
RPE: 5
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: shoulders tingly. started out tight & loosened a lot.
Feelings; trapped (probably job-related)
Images: none
thoughts: need to find a way out or make one, or find a way to be okay here.

MID time: 12:30
Place: work; park, around block, around building
Selection: walk; a few arm screws (right term? for the shoulder exercise you showed us first?)
Sets/reps: walk n/a; arms - 1 set, 3 reps each L and R
rest: 0
RPE: 4
RT: 8 for walk :) for arms, unsure
RPD: 1
Sensations: R knee medially feels stretching; L hip twinges. L foot feels stretchy where I had a sesamoid bone removed years ago (ball of L foot) R hip making loud pops no discomfort. Shoulders awake, looser
Feelings: still pretty low energy; bored with work; excited about healing and finding my power
Images: stretching, rubber bands. Minor surgery on foot maybe 25 years ago, still remember that
Thoughts: need to re-learn my origins & insertions :lol:

PM 6:15
Place: Hallway at home
Selection: dance, more scottish stuff
Sets/Reps: 1 set; reps n/a
Rest: 0
RPE: 4
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: loosening all over, esp. shoulders. blood circulating. warming up.
Feelings: energized. relaxing. radiant. powerful.
Images: none
thoughts: there are ways out. I know some! I am glad to be doing some work for these poor shoulders.

Q's: is arm screws the right term for the shoulder movement you showed us first? or is that something else?

[lvshope]

Hi Val... Way to go. May replace dancing for gazelle. Sounds Oh so freeing!

Lindsay :D

[vjlawren]

Thursday, 5/27

AM
Time/Duration 7:30 - 5 min
Place second bedroom of my house
Selection arm screws (right term?)
Sets/Reps 2 sets, 5 reps each side
Rest 10 seconds
RPE 5
RT 7, best I remember
RPD 1
Sensations L arm still feels tighter even though that's counterintuitive. Bathed, warm joints.
Feelings elation, feels so good to release
Images none
Thoughts

MID
Time/Duration 1:30 pm, 5 minutes
Place my office with the door closed
Selection arm screws, pelvic circles as best I can remember; dance around a bit
Sets/Reps 2 sets, 5 reps each side for arms; 1 set 4 circles each direction pelvic
Rest 10 seconds max, forgot to write rest down
RPE 3
RT 6 or 7 if my memory serves me
RPD 0-1
Sensations snap crackle pop in L shoulder; tension releasing. blood flow returning
Feelings restored, renewed, joyous
Images none
Thoughts so weird how I thought R shoulder was "the tight one" - turns out it's the more painful one but subjectively, ROM is better on R; L does not seem to rotate as far

PM
Time/Duration 7:00 - 5 min
Place kitchen
Selection Dance
Sets/Reps n/a
Rest no
RPE 5
RT 8
RPD 0
Sensations lower back feels slightly 'stuck', not uncomfortable, just not loose. warm joints & muscles.
Feelings comfortable in my body. grateful. excited. uplifted.
Images none until next morning*
Thoughts used to really spike myself by going out dancing (wasn't the dancing itself, but the setting and the attention) - of course I was drinking then too - it's nice to dance simply as a lift for myself, and not as a spiky thing. I "know" my extra weight is trying to keep me "safe" from that kind of attention.

Questions:

* this morning (Friday) as I was waking up I got a verbal insight "carrying everything alone" that just "happened to" pop into my head. Think maybe it has something to do with my shoulders? :D (context: I left a 5-year relationship last summer & started living on my own, and my shoulder problems started up a couple of months later, duh!)

Any particular direction I should "go" with this, or just keep doing what I'm doing?

Cheers! --val

[Scott Sonnon]

Val,

Keep going in the direction you're headed because it's obviously the right one: deep. (Deepening one's daily personal practice.)

Congratulations on your discovery - what a break-thru!

[jodie]

Val,
get thee to a belly dancing class!!!!!!!!
the liberation, the grounding, the strength, the jingle-y jewlery!!!!!!!!

well done whoamyn!
Jodie

[vjlawren]

get thee to a belly dancing class!!!!!!!!
the liberation, the grounding, the strength, the jingle-y jewlery!!!!!!!!

well done whoamyn!
Jodie

oh, wow -- belly dancing! now there's something I never thought of! I like it. My body/mind/spirit loves the idea. I got goosebumps and a tingle up my spine when I read your post.

Especially the part about the jingle-y jewelry!!! :wink:

Thanks, Jodie! --val

[Sue]

oh, wow -- belly dancing! now there's something I never thought of! I like it. My body/mind/spirit loves the idea. I got goosebumps and a tingle up my spine when I read your post.

Val, this is something I'm actually planning on pursuing when I move out to Seattle. Maybe we can do it together :)

[vickil]

I am just getting started (a little slow here) but I picked your journal/thread for an example to figure out what I am supposed to be doing, because you are just so groovy and I love to dance. LOLOL.

Vicki L.

[vjlawren]

huh, looks like I didn't get this posted earlier...

AM
time/duration 7:30 - 5 minutes
place kitchen
selection dance
sets/reps n/a
rest 0
RPE 5
RT 8
RPD 0
Impressions: warmth all over, feels great. Feelings: free!!! Picturing a room full of dancing people.

MID
time/duration 1:00; 5 minutes
place office at work and around the block
selection arm screws; walk
sets/reps 1 set 7 reps each side
rest 0
RPE 5
RT 7
RPD 2
Impressions: lots of tension, firey feeling in shoulders. Co-worker came in and I didn't get other impressions recorded. Doing arm screws really helps me get through my day.

PM
time/duration 7:45 - 6 minutes
place kitchen
selection dance; arm screws
sets/reps 1 set 7 reps both sides
rest 0
RPE 6
RT 7
RPD 3
Impressions: firey shoulders again. knees uncomfortable while dancing (quads not very strong, I suspect). Mood lifted. Thoughts: My violin -- I need to get it back from the friend I loaned it to a couple of years ago. where on earth did that come from? related to shoulders I'm sure -- tension in there- but also feels like something is healing. Hmmmm...

Cheers!

[vjlawren]

AM MY TAPES ARE HERE!!!
time/duration 11:25 - 25 minutes
place living room
selection beginning Warrior Wellness workout
sets/reps followed the tape; about 1/2 to 2/3 of most of the movements
rest several 10-15 second periods of rest
RPE 6
RT 2-5 depending on move
RPD 3
sensations/feelings/thoughts/images
this is hard! feels good though, very invigorating. feels like the way a body is meant to move.
there is a new quality to my breathing, not only when moving but in general -- feels like a place in my solar plexus that used to feel "stuck" or where I would feel a "catch" when I breathed, has loosened up. ???

Can't do the Egyptian neck move at all. Can't figure out how I need to move to make it go that way! It's the only one, though, I think.


PM
time/duration 8:00; 25 minutes
place friends' living room (I took the tape over to show them!)
selection beginning Warrior Wellness workout
sets/reps followed the tape
rest several 15 second or so rests
RPE 6
RT 2-5
RPD 3
sensations/feelings/thoughts/images
LOTS of clunking noises as I did various ROM with left shoulder and I suddenly remembered that I injured that shoulder in about 1990 or 1991. (I took the weight of an unbalanced file credenza on my extended left arm and I remember feeling my shoulder give way -- hurt a LOT and was sore and VERY unstable for a LONG time.) Hah!!! that might explain the perceived difference in mobility, yes? :lol:

[vjlawren]

I misunderstood the baby steps, and did one workout of the entire beginner Warrior Wellness program Sunday morning. No ill effects, but after re-reading Scott's posts from yesterday, I will continue to break up my sessions for the next couple of weeks. However, here's Sunday's note:

AM 9:00 - 25 minutes
Warrior Wellness tape - beginning workout
Place: My living room, by the vcr
Energy: Good
Sets/Reps: Followed the tape
Rest: 2 periods, approx. 10 seconds each, during the tape
RPE: 7
RT: 3-5
RPD: 3
Impressions:

Feeling angry and impatient (was feeling so before beginning the workout). Doing the workout makes me want to ROAR!!! Hanging on to some co-dependent stuff with a friend, working on letting go of it.

Lots of clunking in L shoulder on arm circles; no discomfort. Recalling previous injury during session last night makes that MUCH easier to understand. Mild muscle soreness (glutes, quads) from yesterday. BUT - this is getting easier and feeling more fluid. I'm excited! Feels good. Joints feel warm and awake

Wish I could evaluate my own technique more easily. Still can't figure out how to move my neck to do that Egyptian move.

Cheers!

[Scott Sonnon]

Keep at it. You're doing great, Val.

[vjlawren]

AM 7:45
Place:Living room
Selection: Warrior Wellness - head & singular arms, approx. 7 minutes
Energy: moderate
Sets/Reps: as on tape, 1 set each, 5-10 reps
Rest: as on tape
RPE: 4
RT: 7
RPD: 0
Sensations: shoulders looser, R upper trap was very tight to start, but much better after. L shoulder clunks on outward (counterclockwise) circles, not on clockwise. No discomfort.
Feelings: sad, angry at myself for getting so caught up in issues that are basically BS :oops: and not my problem
Images: King Tut (Steve Martin)
Thoughts: still can't get that Egyptian neck slide down

PM - 7:15
Place: living room
Selection: Warrior Wellness chest movements; arm screws and 4-corner balance drill
Energy: moderate
Sets/Reps: chest movements - followed tape; arm screws - 1 set, 5 reps each side; 4CBD - 1 each side
RPE: 5
RT: 4
RPD: 1
Sensations:R sacrum where it usually "goes out" feels locked up. Mild discomfort in R knee. Body likes moving.
Feelings: calm. tranquil.
Images: none
Thoughts: 4CBD harder to maintain balance than it was the last time I did it (yesterday)

Cheers!

[vjlawren]

AM - 7:40
6-1/2 minutes
Energy: good
Selection: neck & single-arm motions from Warrior Wellness beginning tape
Place: living room
Sets/Reps: as on tape, 1 set, 5-10 reps depending on move
Rest: no
RPE: 4
RT: 6
RPD: 1
Sensations: those clunking sounds in my L shoulder. Neck probably needs adjusting.
Feelings: warmed up; mood lifted
Images: none
Thoughts: muscles seem happy to move

MID - 12:15
20 minutes
Energy: a bit low
Selection: walk outdoors -- kind of an errand-walk, but a beautiful day & neighborhood I like so it was fun
Place: neighborhood around my office
Sets/Reps: n/a
Rest: no
RPE: 5
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: body feels smooth, things working together smoothly. Legs feel more powerful somehow, like they are pushing the earth in a different way. Solid.
Feelings: responsible, powerful (baby-powerful, not ROAR powerful yet! :) )
Images: none
Thoughts: none

PM - 6:50
13 minutes
Energy: good
Selection: walk outdoors, around the nearby grade school; and SWING on the swings!!!
Place: grade school across the street
Sets/Reps: n/a
Rest: no
RPE: 5
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: exhilaration on the swings!!! Legs feel strong walking.
Feelings: happy, free on swing. amazing! then felt some fear as I got pretty high. In the air, I mean. 8) breathed through it and did not panic
Images: an old chicken shed at my grandmother's where she had put up some swings for us to play on (though since it was indoors we could never go quite as high!)
Thoughts: none

cheers! --val

[vjlawren]

AM 6:40 - 6-1/2 minutes
Place: living room
Energy: a bit low
Selection: first 6-1/2 minutes of beginning Warrior Wellness tape, through singular shoulders
Sets/Reps: 1 set, 5-10 reps per tape
Rest: no
RPE: 5
RT: 8 except lateral neck slide; tried that against the wall and I think it helped
RPD: 0
Sensations: L shoulder still goes clunk on counterclockwise circles. Neck popped on tilts, both directions (auto-chiropractic :wink: ). Joints feel warm.
Feelings: sad. May be a bit crashy from upset I had this past weekend.
Images:
Thoughts: for as long as I can remember, my neck & shoulders have been cramped up and gotten really painful with any kind of workout, e.g. weights, yoga postures, etc. This CST work makes them feel exercised, but also makes them feel safe, like they will one day be able to handle work and not hurt automatically.

MID 12:30- 15 minutes
Place: neighborhood around my office
Energy: good
Selection: walk a few blocks and back
Sets/Reps: n/a
Rest: no
RPE: 4
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: smoothness.
Feelings:
Images: me grounded & planted, walking so strongly and firmly that instead of moving my body across the earth, I am actually turning the earth in its rotation with my feet :D
Thoughts: hmmmm...

PM 7:15- 10 minutes
Place: neighborhood around my house
Energy: good
Selection: walk outdoors to grade school & around
Sets/Reps: n/a
Rest: no
RPE: 4
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: pushing the earth under my feet
Feelings: hate job, now that shoulder pain is gone
Images:
Thoughts: my body surprises me. I was just booking along on my walk when I stepped wrong on a piece of bark, twisted my L ankle, and nearly fell. I was sure I was going to hit the ground, but then somehow, I found my balance and was upright again. A few sore muscles from yanking my body back upright, L ankle is a bit tender, but did some ROM with it when I got home and it's not bad.

Cheers! --val

[Dan Chomycia]

Val,

Great job!
This is what Joint Mobility is all about!

Thoughts: for as long as I can remember, my neck & shoulders have been cramped up and gotten really painful with any kind of workout, e.g. weights, yoga postures, etc. This CST™ work makes them feel exercised, but also makes them feel safe, like they will one day be able to handle work and not hurt automatically.
Building a Physical Foundation to increase your work capacity and reclaim your power!

Thoughts: my body surprises me. I was just booking along on my walk when I stepped wrong on a piece of bark, twisted my L ankle, and nearly fell. I was sure I was going to hit the ground, but then somehow, I found my balance and was upright again. A few sore muscles from yanking my body back upright, L ankle is a bit tender, but did some ROM with it when I got home and it's not bad.
Increasing your kinesthetic sense of balance and preventing injury!

Great training!

Talk to you soon!

[vjlawren]

Thursday 6/3 AM
6:50 - 11.5 minutes
Energy Good
Selection Warrior Wellness tape, through "fingers"
Sets/Reps per tape; 1 set, 5-10 reps each
Rest no
RPE 5
RT 8 except lateral neck slide 3
RPD 0
Sensations warm joints; awake
Feelings good. Elated that neck & shoulders are so much less painful though the decrease in pain also forces me to confront how much I hate my job
Thoughts I think the shoulder pain was distracting me from my real feelings about this job.
Images none

Thursday 6/3 MID
12:30 - 10 minutes
Energy good
Selection walk outdoors
Location: neighborhood around office
Sets/Reps n/a
Rest no
RPE 4
RT 9
RPD 0
Sensations hmmm, didn't log these
Feelings
Thoughts
Images:


Thursday 6/3 PM
7:15 - 5 minutes
Energy good
Selection arm screws, 4CBD
Location: Living room
Sets/Reps 4CBD - 2 sets each side; arm screws: 1 set, 5 reps each side
Rest no
RPE 5
RT 8
RPD 0
Sensations squeezing tension out of shoulders; rooting feet into ground
Feelings radiant; relaxed
Thoughts can't believe how cool this is
Images:

cheers! --val

[Scott Sonnon]

Congratulations on Thursday's discovery!

[vjlawren]

Friday 6/4
totally got nothing logged even though I did do some moving; so what is here is reconstructed
Energy getting lower most of the day (PMS)
Selection AM - first 6+ minutes of Warrior Wellness tape; PM - finger and ankle rotation
Location: AM - home, living room; PM - sitting in the World Forestry Center auditorium waiting for a graduation to start
Sets/Reps
Rest
RPE
RT
RPD
Sensations I remember that my energy was getting pretty low most of the day and I was feeling pretty tired. Felt quite spacy and a bit dizzy for part of the afternoon, felt very out of it, disoriented and disconnected.
Feelings
Thoughts
Images:

[vjlawren]

Saturday 6/5 - AM - MY CLUBBELLS ARRIVED! They are sitting in my living room watching me do the Warrior Wellness tape. :wink:
10:00 - 1/2 hour
Energy moderate
Selection walking outdoors
Location: Farmer's Market
Sets/Reps n/a
Rest
RPE 4
RT 9
RPD 0
Sensations feels good to be able to walk as much as I want to. Feel very relaxed and at ease. Core feels somewhat stronger, more stable.
Feelings
Thoughts
Images:

Sat. 6/5 - MID
2pm - 6.5 minutes
Energy low
Selection arm movements from first part of Warrior Wellness tape
Location: living room
Sets/Reps 1 set, 5-10 reps
Rest no
RPE 4
RT 8
RPD 1
Sensations less clunking in L shoulder; still makes noise on counterclockwise circles but it's more like loud crackling now, not like single clunks
Feelings mood better afterwards
Thoughts I'm blaming PMS for my low energy and mood.
Images:

Sat. 6/5 - PM
10:00 - 5 min.
Energy pretty low; very tired
Selection arm screws; hip circles
Location: living room
Sets/Reps 2 sets, 5 reps each side/direction
Rest ~20 sec. Between sets
RPE 3
RT 8
RPD 1
Sensations discomfort in L shoulder, no noise with this movement
Feelings excited; my clubbells are sitting there watching me!
Thoughts pain/discomfort in L shoulder very reminiscent of when I injured it 15+/- years ago. Maybe it's that stored memory moving along? It feels very familiar.
Images:

Cheers! --val

[Scott Sonnon]

Can you describe the original injury? When you relate the story to what you endure with your work (mentioned on this past THU's report), how does that make you feel in the area?

[vjlawren]

Can you describe the original injury? When you relate the story to what you endure with your work (mentioned on this past THU's report), how does that make you feel in the area?

Oh, man, I'm surprised it took me more than about 30 seconds to come up with something around this :oops: I think at least part of it is about support.

I'd been thinking about the injury and remembering that when it happened, it felt like my arm was coming out of its socket; and I'd been thinking of things like "pulling" or "hanging," and nothing was clicking. Then I remembered that the injury happened at work when I was trying to support the weight of a top-heavy file credenza (one of those lateral files) that had become unstable and was starting to tip over. I took the weight of it with my extended left arm, and as it continued to fall, and I took more and more weight on that arm, that's when the shoulder gave way (hurt like crazy).

Huh. But the rest of the story is, that despite the injury, I did manage to right the file without its tipping over. I don't remember whether I engaged my right arm to help, or if the file "topped out" on the countertop that was directly above it, or what. But I know it didn't fall all the way over.

Support has always been a really big deal for me. The prospect of trying to support myself without a "real" job scares the socks off me. So in spite of how I feel about my current job, that paycheck is awfully attractive. :wink: I know I can't stay forever, I won't stay forever; but I have a bit of work to do on this issue before I can move on.

--val

[Scott Sonnon]

I hear you saying that your quite competent and capable of supporting yourself even in times of crisis. Congratulations, it sounds like your movement practice is tapping into something very deep and transformative. I look forward to reading more as you come to understand this injury as a hologram of what you've endured, sacrificed, overcome, and now... considering again. Really reads to be a triumphant story already!

[vjlawren]

I hear you saying that your quite competent and capable of supporting yourself even in times of crisis. Congratulations, it sounds like your movement practice is tapping into something very deep and transformative. I look forward to reading more as you come to understand this injury as a hologram of what you've endured, sacrificed, overcome, and now... considering again. Really reads to be a triumphant story already!

Well thanks, it does help to hear that, especially while I'm still in the "fear and trepidation" phase :)

I'm sure it's no coincidence that I did only one movement session yesterday. Progress, not perfection... baby steps... habits still developing... and more hard work to do. (<-- me not beating up on myself!)

Sun. 6/6 - AM
8:50 - 6.5 minutes
Energy low
Selection Trunk & hip movements from beginning tape
Location: living room
Sets/Reps per tape
Rest no
RPE 3
RT 8
RPD 1
Sensations back tight. Hips tighter on L than on R. Adductors pulling during hip tilts.
Feelings still feels really good to move.
Thoughts
Images:

Did not do deliberate movement again Sunday. Energy still pretty low all day, very tired.

Question: Given the things that are coming up around my shoulders etc., I'm assuming this is the area I need to concentrate on in my movement sessions at the moment, is this right? I feel like I'm neglecting the rest of my body but in a 5-10 minute session, when it feels like the shoulders need the most work right now... is this okay? Or should I be trying to get through the whole body in three sessions?

Also... there are lots of other physical metaphors for "support" for me. I've sprained both of my ankles several times (most spectacularly both at once about 5 years ago). In my 20s I had some trouble with pain in my knees. I hate, hate, hate to fall. I've noticed that I walk sort of "tight" and it occurred to me that I walk that way because I'm trying to make sure I stay upright. so... should I still focus on the shoulders for now?

I have a feeling that getting my body stronger will diminish a lot of my fears around "support" in all of its senses. In times past when I've done "traditional" weight lifting and felt pretty strong physically, I remember that I've also felt pretty confident emotionally.

cheers! --val

[Scott Sonnon]

Val,

I hear you saying that you have other issues to address throughout your body. Go with your intuition. Spread the session throughout the day. Practice your upper body in the morning, mid-body in the afternoon and lower body in the evening. You may be on to something important. Trust your gut!

[vjlawren]

I hear you saying that you have other issues to address throughout your body. Go with your intuition. Spread the session throughout the day. Practice your upper body in the morning, mid-body in the afternoon and lower body in the evening. You may be on to something important. Trust your gut!

Okay, will do.

I was struck this morning, while driving to work, that these issues probably go back all the way to the breakup of my marriage almost twenty years ago. This is a bit of grieving that I "get to" go through and work on actively every few years or so :lol: and this time the context seems to be that it's the starting point for my active fears around "support."

I promised myself that I could deal with this later on today, but that now I had to get through my day :) (this is a technique that has worked well for me in the past when I've been processing stuff.)

At least every time I work on this, it's from a different ("better") place!

cheers --val

[Scott Sonnon]

At least every time I work on this, it's from a different ("better") place! The ultimate baby steps - who could ask for a better life than that definition?! I'm very happy for you and impressed by your diligent "peeling of the onion!"

[radiantkd]

thanks for the log! It is a great model and inspiration for me.

kathleen

[vjlawren]

I'm behind on posting several days' worth of logs online, so will be catching up. Fear not, all I am posting is in longhand in my personal journal! :D

Monday 6/7
AM - 7:30
Place:living room
Energy:moderate-to-low
Selection:first part of beginning Warrior Wellness tape (neck, shoulders, elbows, wrists, fingers)
Sets/Reps:per tape
Rest:no
RPE:4
RT:8 except egyptian neck slide = 3
RPD:0
Sensations:L shoulder noise is down to small cracks, and more sporadic
Feelings:
Thoughts: moving in the morning really helps me feel better
Images:

MID - 1:00
Place:Office
Energy:moderate to good
Selection:chest lifts thru hula hoops from beginning Warrior Wellness tape + 1 set arm screws
Sets/Reps:1 set 5 reps on arm screws; 1 set 10 reps on others
Rest:0
RPE:5
RT:8
RPD:1
Sensations:looser, freer, more open. lateral slides - some discomfort & tightness at iliac crest. tilts - lots of pulling at sides, R more than L. Hula hoop - adductors pull
Feelings: better, more optimistic
Thoughts:
Images: "Energization Exercises" by Yogananda. Also flashed on the feeling of "nobody's got my back." (that support thing again)

PM - 7:30 - 5 minutes
Place: living room
Energy: good
Selection: hip tilts through end of beginner tape
Sets/Reps: per tape
Rest: 0
RPE: 5
RT: 7
RPD: 0
Sensations: good exertion feelings in hips; harder to maintain balance while standing on R foot that on L foot
Feelings: optimism. settledness.
Thoughts:
Images: my legs rooted to the earth, and holding me up. Duh -- supporting me!

cheers --val

[Scott Sonnon]

We've got your back, Val...

And so does the Earth. :wink:

[vjlawren]

AM - 7:50 - 11 minutes
Place: living room
Energy: low
Selection: first half of beginning Warrior Wellness tape
Sets/Reps: as on tape
Rest: no
RPE: 4
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: hardly any noise in L shoulder!
Feelings:
Thoughts:
Images:

MID - 1:00 - 5 minutes
Place: office and neighborhood around building
Energy: low
Selection: trunk movements from beginning tape; walk around block
Sets/Reps:
Rest: 0
RPE: 3
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: very crampy
Feelings:
Thoughts:
Images:

AM - 7:15 - ~10 minutes
Place: living room
Energy: low; very tired
Selection: last 10+/- minutes of beginning Warrior Wellness tape
Sets/Reps: per tape
Rest: 0
RPE: 3
RT: 7
RPD: 0
Sensations: burning in hips; burning in feet on 4CBD
Feelings: mood improved; thought body is still crampy and very uncomfortable
Thoughts: Joint strength!!! Balance and proprioception do seem to be improving; core is feeling stronger
Images:

cheers --val

[vjlawren]

We've got your back, Val...

And so does the Earth. :wink:

:D

[vjlawren]

AM - 8:00 - ~11-1/2 minutes
Place: living room
Energy: good
Selection: beg. warrior wellness through fingers
Sets/Reps: per tape
Rest: 0
RPE: 4
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: still some noise in L shoulder. felt some clunking in L wrist during pinky circles.
Feelings: nothing strong; general well-being physically and emtionally
Thoughts: feels like I'm doing some of these movements with a little "more" behind them -- a bit more power going into them
Images:

MID - nothing

PM - 8:00
Place: living room
Energy: good
Selection: 2nd half of tape; chest through 4CBD & breathing drill
Sets/Reps: per tape
Rest: 0
RPE: 5
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: body loves to move this way. strong; rooted
Feelings: mood good; elated
Thoughts:
Images:

cheers --val

[vjlawren]

AM - 8:15
Place: living room
Energy: good
Selection: neck through fingers on beginning tape
Sets/Reps: per tape
Rest: 0
RPE: 4
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: clunking is back in L shoulder. some clunks in L wrist on clockwise pinky circles.
Feelings: upbeat; optimisitic
Thoughts: core feels stronger & I notice that it "kicks in" a lot while doing arm circles, esp. overhead.
Images:


MID - 1:00 ~10 minutes
Place: neighborhood around office
Energy: good
Selection: walk
Sets/Reps: n/a
Rest: 0
RPE: 4
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: core feels strong. walk is stronger. hips swing more easily.
Feelings: great; optimistic & hopeful
Thoughts: feels like I can walk more easily; using legs better & not so much of my back when I walk (if that makes sense?)
Images:


PM - 8:15 - ~12 minutes
Place: living room
Energy: a bit tired
Selection: 2nd half of beginning tape
Sets/Reps: per tape
Rest: 0
RPE: 4
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: harder to balance when standing on R leg. some crackles in R ankle on circles. Back feels very limber.
Feelings: connected; content. Body is happy to move, even though I originally did not want to take the time. *
Thoughts: how will I do thi swhen travelling -- take the tape, or use Connie's sheet? (I chose "B")

* about 5 minutes after I finished, I suddenly remembered a snippet of a very emotional song I'd heard earlier in the day, and was overcome by grief and sadness. Not crashy, just like old stuff moving through. So I sat down and had a 5-hanky cry :cry: . Felt quite fragile for a bit, but the feelings moved through and I felt better.

cheers --val

[vjlawren]

I unintentionally didn't do any intentional movement :wink: today. Felt like my molecules were resettling after last night's emotion; plus I was traveling, and didn't get to it.

I sure noticed it, though; this morning (Saturday) my body was saying "MOVE us, dammit!!!" :D so I did 8) & will post Saturday later on.

cheers --val

[vjlawren]

Ah, so I didn't post that Saturday after all. It's been a while since I posted my log here, but I have been circling and have been handwriting everything down. I missed a couple of days this week but am back on track. I was musing over some things I've noticed changing for me since I started doing circles :-) and thought I'd post a check-in over here.

The most amazing thing to me, is that when I was doing my beginner session yesterday, on the spinal thrusts -- I realized that when I leaned back I WAS LOOKING AT THE WALL BEHIND ME! Not the ceiling in front of me!!! For some reason this strikes me as a HUGE big deal. Makes me think that someday I could actually safely do a backbend to the floor, or a bridge up from the floor. Here after just over a month of doing circles, I can actually 'see' it happening!!! (Don't worry, I won't try it just yet)

I am walking differently. It's hard for me to articulate, but it's like I'm walking from my hips, instead of from... somewhere else, wherever I was walking from before. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like my hips are looser, and also stronger, so they are doing most of the work of walking now, instead of some other muscles that really shouldn't have been doing it in the first place. (Back? Abdomen? Not sure, I can't go back to the old way LOL) Of course this brings up some other issues... like, are my hips swinging *too* much, LOL!!! But I haven't noticed any excessive staring, nor any wolf-whistles, so I think I'll just go with it. :-)

In lots of little ways I notice my core feels stronger. My posture is much better, more consistently, whether sitting, walking, standing. I can get down and up from the floor more easily. (This weekend I've been busy setting up my new computer -- lots of opportunity to test this one out!) I can reach the back of my head to do my hair, without hyperextending my lower back. (better shoulder ROM, and stronger core!)

And all this is after only a month! I'm thinking, if it's this good now, how will it be in a year (awesome!) and in five... and when I'm eighty... it blows my mind!

Thanks, Scott, Kathleen, and Connie!

Love --val

[Scott Sonnon]

Great report, Val! Congratulations on your patience, diligence and progress!

[vjlawren]

I've been moving and logging in my handwritten journal, but since I am coaching with Connie for the next few weeks, I’m publishing my logs here again.

Date/Time: Saturday, 7/31 -- 10 am
Duration: 50 minutes
Energy: great
Location: Lower Macleay Park, Portland
Selection: basic swings, pendulum, armpit cast
Sets/Reps: I didn't count, because we were coaching - most sets were 5 reps; possibly as many as 10 sets total over the 50 minute session (Connie has all this on tape)
Rest: various
RPE: 4
RT: 6
RPD: 0
Sensations: good movement throughout body. Feels smooth and fluid. Legs working but mostly feels pretty easy
Feelings: Supported. Now isn't that interesting!!! :-) given some of my earlier issues. Surprised at how much leg effort is in this when it looks like ‘arm’ work!
Thoughts: Willing to trust the process; I like going slowly and am enjoying the journey
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Sunday, 8/1 – 9:30 am
Duration: ~25 min.
Energy: good
Location: second bedroom
Selection: Beginning Warrior Wellness drill
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 4
RT: 8-9
RPD: 0
Sensations: warm joints, especially hips and shoulders. Balance feels pretty solid, especially R side, which usually is much wobblier.
Thoughts: looking around and thinking about how I might decorate this room :D
Feelings: strong, powerful. Capable.
Images: unclear, something very solid.

Date/Time: Sunday, 8/1 – 2:30 pm
Duration: ~ 8 minutes
Energy: good
Location: second bedroom
Selection: Warrior Wellness, beginning drill, neck --> shoulders
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 3
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: loosening up, unwinding
Thoughts: still looking at gussying up this room, LOL
Feelings: jazzed, just got done giving a massage which nearly always energizes me
Images: untying knots, unwinding

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Monday 8/2 – 5:45 am
Duration: ~15 min. (?)
Location: living room (cat locked in second bedroom)
Energy: a bit low, still very sleepy – didn’t sleep as long as I would have liked
Selection: basic swings, pendulums
Sets/Reps/Rest: 5x5 each, no choke; 30 seconds rest between sets. Swings low to middle.
RPE: 4
RT: 6
RPD: 0
Sensations: shoulders feel engaged and capable. Tinnitus coming back mildly (R ear)
Thoughts: wish I were still in bed. Awake waaay too early. Movement feels good though.
Feelings: not in touch – still pretty tired, can’t really tell
Images: none

Date/Time: Monday 8/2 – 6:30 pm
Duration: ~10 min.
Location: second bedroom
Energy: tired. Low.
Selection: beginning Warrior Wellness drill, neck through fingers
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 3
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: R shoulder tight, R side neck pain most of day but no discomfort during drill. Warm joings. Mild tinnitus again.
Thoughts: I’m doing this well but I feel like I want to keep doing this drill. May need a chiropractic adjustment.
Feelings: Sad; old feelings of not being athletic, “last-one-picked” kind of stuff. Left out.
Images: Me being left out and left behind in PE etc. Sad little girl.

cheers --val

[Idryllis]

:D

Hey Val,

Love your quote, it was a great exchange, wasn't it? :wink:

I plan to keep doing the Beginner WW tape through this fall!
Just so you know, not all the "others" are moving to the Intermediate tape... :)

[Connie Brown]

Very cool looking Val. I'd be curious too about that chiropractic.

And I redecorated after starting CST too! there is now more floor space in my bedroom. Swinging space too.

[vjlawren]

Love your quote, it was a great exchange, wasn't it? :wink:

yup! :D


I plan to keep doing the Beginner Warrior Wellness™ tape through this fall!
Just so you know, not all the "others" are moving to the Intermediate tape... :)

Nah, I didn't think "they" were... :wink: this is just a really old issue for me, I'm realizing.

Thanks! --val

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Tuesday, 8/3 -- 7:30 am
Duration: ~ 25 min
Location: second bedroom
Energy: moderate
Selection: beginning Warrior Wellness drill
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 3
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: lots of new & interesting clunks & crackles on R shoulder circles, feels like shoulder girdle &/or first/second ribs. tingling in R hand. mild pressure in R ear, no tinnitus yet.
Thoughts: definitely need adjustment (appt made & kept later in the morning; it was true!!!) I love working out in this room, will have to watch ceiling light when swinging (if I can ever get the cat out of here)
Feelings: enjoying the movement, feeling capable in what I'm doing with it. Not ready to move on to the next level of incapability :wink:
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Wednesday, 8/4 -- 6:40 am
Duration: ~15 min.
Location: living room (cat sleeping in second bedroom)
Energy: sleepy, low
Selection: basic swings, pendulums, armpit cast
Sets/Reps/Rest: swings, pendulums -- 5x5, 5 lb, no choke; armpit casts -- 2x5, 5 lb, no choke; 30 second rest between all sets
RPE: 4
RT: 6
RPD: 0
Sensations: L wrist wobbled on last swing. Knees crackly but have been for years, nothing new, no discomfort. Order feels steadier. Feeling crampy. sooooooo sleepy.
Thoughts: I can do a lot in this space. Ceiling is much higher than I realized.
Feelings: positive, I really like the clubbells. Wish I could go back to bed.
Images: none

Date/Time: Wednesday 8/4 -- 7 pm
Duration: ~5 min
Location: second BR
Energy: low
Selection: neck movements from beginning Warrior Wellness drill; arm screws
Sets/Reps/Rest: 1x10 each, no rest between sets
RPE: 3
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: heat, relaxation in joints. still pretty full from dinner.
Thoughts: I think it's the light in the room that makes me enjoy it so much, much more so than living room.
Feelings: energized
Images: wringing a washcloth, squeezing tension out of shoulders

[Connie Brown]

Cool on the adjustment!

Glad you like the CBs too. I also have that sleepy morning feeling sometimes.

[vjlawren]

I also have that sleepy morning feeling sometimes.

Yah, well, I have to be honest... it turns out it was more than just normal sleepy, it was a 'fruit coma.' It was just starting to kick in when I was swinging my clubbells.

I had tried some (unsweetened, so tart it would turn you inside out) cranberry juice in my shake this morning, and I spent the rest of the morning trying to keep my face out of the keyboard :oops: I haven't been that falling-over-sleepy since before I started the program!!!

Pumpkin shake tomorrow :roll: (it seems safer!)

but it makes me laugh to know I knew exactly what was going on (instead of all those years when I was that sleepy and had absolutely no idea!!!) 8)

cheers --val

[Connie Brown]

wow that is interesting and funny too.

How unfair that it was TART and coma too! seems like if you were going to get a coma you could at least not have tart there too!!

:lol:

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Thursday 8/5

ooooooops.... :oops:

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Friday, 8/6 - 8:30 am
Duration: 15 min
Location: second bedroom
Energy: good
Selection: basic swings, pendulums, armpit casts
Sets/Reps/Rest: 5x5 @ 5#, no choke on swings and pendulum, 2x5 @ 5# no choke on armpit casts; 30 seconds between all sets
RPE: 4
RT: 6
RPD: 0
Sensations: Order position feels more and more solid
Thoughts: hmmmm...
Feelings: strong. powerful. getting my juice back :-)
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Saturday 8/7, 10 am
Duration: 20 minutes
Location: Peninsula Park, PDX
Energy: good
Selection: checkin with Connie, abridged beginning Warrior Wellness drill as warm-up, swings, pendulums, armpit casts demonstrated & checked for technique
Sets/Reps/Rest: sets not counted; reps 5 or fewer; plenty of rest, I am sure
RPE: 4
RT: 7
RPD: 0
Sensations: better idea of how proper form is supposed to feel
Thoughts: great to brush up on technique after a week's time. beautiful park!
Feelings: strong. grounded.
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Sunday 8/8, 8:20 am
Duration: 25 min
Location: second BR
Energy: good
Selection: beginning Warrior Wellness drill
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 3
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: looser warm joints. crackles, cracks, creaks & clunks nearly all over, but most resolved by the end of their respective sets.
Thoughts: must get used to miniscule ROM on lateral neck slide now after Connie helped me improve my technique yesterday. Still having trouble finding the 'right' muscles to make it move without tilting, though when I find the groove I know it. Lots of studying and laundry to do today.
Feelings: strong, supported, rooted
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Monday 8/9, 7:15 am
Duration: 25 min.
Location: 2nd bedroom
Energy: moderate
Selection: beginning Warrior Wellness drill
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 3
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: warm joints. crackles & clunks various places mostly worked out. Increased pressure in R ear (precursor to tinnitus) balance standing on R foot a bit diminished
Thoughts: going back to work today. Nice break. ROM on lateral neck slide still difficult. Thinking about upcoming mid-terms (tomorrow)
Feelings: frustrated, can't make neck slide laterally this morning
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Tuesday 8/10 7 am
Duration: 20 min +/-
Location: 2nd BR
Energy: moderate
Selection: warm-up - selected moves from beginning Warrior Wellness drill
Swing/Pendulum pairs
Armpit casts
Sets/Reps/Rest: Swing/Pendulums 4x8 @ 5# no choke
Armpit Casts 5x5 @ 5# no choke
1 minute rest between all sets
RPE: 4
RT: 6
RPD: 1
Sensations: headache which I woke up with this morning, feels like neck is out. L arm not as strong as R, especially apparent on armpit casts. Average morning-sleepy.
Thoughts: midterm tonight, hope to remember all my meridians :-) Love working out in this room, glad cat is on couch in living room
Feelings: strong, grounded
Images: none

[vjlawren]

oops. :oops: I'm still trying to figure out what happened here. I know my headache, which I dealt with for almost three days, slowed me up but not sure if that's just an excuse. Whatever, I'm posting and owning up to not having done any movement on those two days, and moving on from here.

cheers --val

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Friday, 8/13 - 9:30 am
Duration: 35 min
Location: 2nd BR (warrior wellness) and LR (clubs) thanks, cat
Energy: great
Selection: beginning Warrior Wellness drill, sets/reps/rest per drill
Swing/Pendulum pairs 4x8 @ 5# no choke
Armpit casts 2x5 @ 5# no choke
1 minute rest between sets
RPE: 5
RT: 7
RPD: 0
Sensations: muscle soreness in triceps after Tuesday is gone, 5x5 may have been too much :wink: so will bump it back down; no charge attached to this. R shoulder hinky, clunks & cracks, but not uncomfortable. Headache FINALLY gone.
Thoughts: either "listening to my body" past couple of days, or "blowing off" but either way things feel good & pretty strong today
Feelings: my "shoulda" voice want to feel a little bad about not doing at least Warrior Wellness last couple of days; not gonna beat myself up, just keep going.
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Saturday 8/14 - 9:30 pm
Duration: 15 min
Location: kitchen
Energy: good
Selection: Beginning Warrior Wellness drill, neck & spine through thrusts
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 3
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: auto-chiropractic in neck :wink: lots of releases and cracks. Overall still feel quite loose and low-tension
Thoughts: wish I'd done this earlier today!
Feelings: stable & steady
Images: none

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Sunday 8/15 - 9:15 am
Duration: ~40 min.
Location: 2nd BR
Energy: good
Selection: Warrior Wellness beginning drill
Swing/Pendulum pairs
Armpit casts
Sets/Reps/Rest: WW per drill
Swing/Pendulums 4x8 @ 5# no choke
Armpit casts 2x8 @ 5# no choke
1 minute rest between sets
RPE: 5
RT: 8
RPD: 0
Sensations: still lots of auto-chiropractic in neck & low back. L balance stronger than R side today. Lateral neck slides are coming along nicely. Order position much more solid.
Thoughts: concentrating on drill & swinging, focused on seeing how much I could do (finding/extending to end of my ranges on WW drill).
Feelings: strong & solid. Grounded. feels like a pretty good drill. feeling of accomplishment & progress; I can do a lot more than I could a couple of months ago. Legs higher, balance better.
Images: none

Next week: active recovery!

cheers --val

[Connie Brown]

looking good, Val. From here it looks like a lot accomplished, I am noticing the increase in sets/reps on the swinging. :D

I also wouldn't worry either about the missed days. I was just reading something Scott said the other day - we always have these tidy programs on paper and they never come out quite that straight and neat! true for me. check out my log and the lassitude from heat....

luv ya

[vjlawren]

Date/Time: Monday 8/16 - 8:15 pm
Duration: 25 min.
Location: back yard, lawn between lilac and forsythia and hedge (barefoot of course)
Energy: low to moderate, tired
Selection: beginning Warrior Wellness drill
Sets/Reps/Rest: per drill
RPE: 4
RT: 9
RPD: 0
Sensations: can't keep balance on R foot for anything. is this ground flat? lots of stuff clunking back into place but it all feels pretty easy. remarkably pain-free and easy-feeling today esp considering I spent the whole day at the computer as I always do
Thoughts: "forgot" elbows, wrists, and fingers until 1/2 way through ankles!!! so went back & did them before 4CBD. 4CBD is my reward, the thing I most look forward to. wrist & finger circles remind me of my violin.

Patient: Will I ever play the violin? Doctor: of course, this should heal completely, you'll be good as new! Patient: well that's great, I never could play it before!!!

Although I could. I don't know if I will again.
Feelings: a bit jangled, tired. felt like a long day.
Images: playing my violin. how weak my L little finger always was, it was always hard to play with it.