Allison's log

[Allison]

I don't have the Warrier Wellness tape yet, so I am just doing some movement after each meal

Date: 5/25/04
Time: about 1 PM
Place: my living room
Energy level: a slug, recovering from travel, leaving ABQ
Exercise Selection: I danced to three songs from the first Culture Club cd, no rest between songs.
RPE: about 5, breathing faster
RT: about 8
RPD: none, it felt great
Sensations: BE's rising, felt sort of goosebumps of pleasure by the third song - I think that was the BE being released
Feelings: felt great
Images: none
Thoughts: why don't I do this more often? Then one of my knees reminded me why, LOL

After dancing, I perked up and started getting stuff done around the house. The BE boost carried me for a couple of hours, and then I went and took a nap. Oh, I also listened to music after dancing, and that continued to perk me up.

I danced to the same songs after dinner. Felt less coordinated that time, but it still felt good.

Questions: If we are doing three sets of exercise, do we list all these things for each one in our posts?

Allison

[Scott Sonnon]

Allison,

Great start. Yes, list each set.

A healthier perspective may be to reframe that your knee was reminding you that movement heals, rather than why you shouldn't be moving.

[Allison]

1:30 PM
Downtown Boston
Low energy, crampy (ok, sort of embarrassing to share, but it's relevant)
Went for a fast walk. Walked uptown with two coworkers. We did about a half hour total of walking, stopping in two stores for about 5-10 minutes per store.
RPE: 5
RT: Good, felt my muscles engaging and stretching, felt strong
RPD: backs of legs slightly sore from dancing the previous day.

I felt good, strong and energized. I love walking.

7:35 PM
my living room
Crampy
Danced to 2 Santana songs
RPE: 5, just feeling good
RT: good
RPD: ankles hurt a bit

Remember lots of dancing over the years. Feels good to move my body that way and lose myself in the music

I am having trouble working in some exercise after breakfast. My morning schedule is very tight. However, after eating, I generally am moving around getting ready for work.

I get some exercise every afternoon walking from work to the train station, about a 20 minute brisk walk. But I'm carrying a heavy tote bag, which puts strain on my right shoulder. I've tried alternating shoulders, and it feels really awkward on my left shoulder and makes it hard to walk, but I guess I should keep trying, because my right shoulder is sort of messed up. I'm sure my back has learned to bend in one direction and not the other while I walk, to put some of the weight on my hip.
Allison

[Scott Sonnon]

Allison,

There's a section in the back of PnP where Kathleen gives some suggestions for 'tight schedules' in the morning. Try getting up only 5 minutes earlier.

Rushing around to get off to work most often builds nervous tension, rather than releasing it. You need to for only 5 minutes: start and stop practicing. It's important to have that time to focus and concentrate on your body - what's happening, the sensations, feelings and images which erupt. Becoming aware again of what's going on in your body (physiologically) is more important than "exercise."

[Allison]

I already get up earlier than any sane person, including me, wants to get up, so I tend to resist getting up any earlier. I will figure something out. There are some areas of my morning routine I could streamline with a little advance planning and work. I totally see the difference between moving around rushing to get ready for work, and movement that involves tuning in to my body.
Allison

[Allison]

12:45
around the block
Tired, crampy
Took a brisk walk around the block - actually, around several blocks near my office
RPE: 5
RT: 8, strong, good
RPD: my shoulders and neck were very tight, although this was not affected one way or the other by walking
I felt strong, felt my muscles engaging

6:25
My living room
Tight, crampy
Danced to 2 Santana songs, moving my shoulders as much as possible while I danced
RPE: While I didn't do anything anymore strenuous than I have been, it felt harder, like a 6 or 7 instead of a 5
RT: 7
RPD: shoulders very tight, ankles hurt
I had low energy. My ankles hurt and didn't have much spring to them. I moved my shoulders a lot, and used my arms in different ways to move my shoulders. The dancing felt like slogging through mud or water instead of feeling free and energetic the way it has been.

This morning, I committed to getting up 10 minutes earlier (3:50 AM - ugh!) so I could add movement after breakfast.

Allison

[Allison]

5:45 AM
living room
crampy, tight, ankles hurt
3 sets yoga sun salutations, 3 sets shoulder screws
RPE:6
RT: nto sure, need tape to assess
RPD: shoulders, ouch!
yoga on a full stomach is more uncomfortable than dancing on a full stomach. It felt good to stretch my legs out, but they were a little wobbly afterwards, which they never are after my evening yoga class. I guess I am tighter in the morning. Also, yoga positions compress cellulite on my upper legs - either don't look, or wear something different, LOL

12:15
stairwell at work
crampy
arm screws, hip circles, thoracic circles
RPE: 4
RT: the thoracic felt clumsy and uncoordinated. I am not absolutely sure I am doing this stuff right, I will be able to tell better after watching the tape.
RPD: Some shoulder and upper arm discomfort, a little lower back pain. later, shoulders letting me know they are there

7:05 PM
living room
tired
arm screws, hip circles, thoracic circles
RPE: 4
RT: not sure, not smooth
RPD: shoulder tightness
I moved until I felt it down around my shoulder blades, since the tightness has spread that far.

I find numeric ratings hard to do - haven't done enough to have a sense of relativity

I am beginning to get at the reasons for my shoulder tension and hunched shoulders, I think. I think the hunching may go back to when I started to develop, and received unwanted attention - I hunched to try not to attract attention to my breasts. And then when I was married, I hunched against my husband's anger. I remember being in the front of our canoe, hunching and flinching, waiting for the temper tantrum that inevitably occurred. These things didn't come to me when I was moving, but the movement may have been what made me react to the posts with this amount of emotion.

[Allison]

6:55 AM
living room
slow, sore muscles in arms
arm screws, pelvic circles, thoracic circles
RPE: 5
RT: ?
RPD: ankles jurt, some shoulder tightness
I can feel the arm screw all the way down to my shoulder blades and upper ribs.
I have no emotions during this - I seem to be in analysis mode and can't seem to switch back. At ranch, I was in feeling mode, but my job puts me in analysis mode.

1:00 PM
living room
achy, tight and sore
neck and shoulder portion of Warrier Wellness
RPE:5
RT:3
RPD: lots of crunching in shoulders, uncoordinated, can't figure out how to do both arms - well, I did it but wasn't sure I was moving in the right directions. Do they go in the same direction or opposite? I had a lot of trouble doing both behind.
I will tackle the tape in parts

8:45 PM (couldn't do after dinner because I ate dinner in my car right before taking a jewelry class)
living room
kind of tired, less sore. Wow, the musles that hurt to touch before, around the fronts of my shoulder joints, feel much better and my shoulders feel a bit better.
Elbows, wrists, fingers, chest, back
RPE:6 - some big motions
RT: some good, some bad
RPD: nothing felt bad
once again, coordination problems, when doing both elbows, also found fingers and chest sort of difficult. Not sure hips are staying put on sideways torso motion. Spinal twists are easy, because we do them in yoga all the time same with backward and forward bends.

Tomorrow, on to the lower body!

[Scott Sonnon]

Congrats on the freeing yourself from severe shoulder pain! Well done!

[Allison]

My newly forming routine got disturbed over these 2 days: family birthday party Sunday afternoon, then overnight guest Sunday night.

5/30
7:30 AM
living rm
Feel slow, shoulders looser, still some shoulder and neck pain
did tape from hips down
RPE 6
RT 4
RPD no real discomfort
Balance not great. Ankle and knee circles were really awkward on the left side. A bathrobe is not good exercise garb!

12:30
after lunch at the birthday party, walked around my mother's yard carrying plants around. Shoulders feel better. There is pain between spine and shoulder blades, but nothing else is very painful.

4:00 PM
planted things in my garden. My hands were tired afterwards, kind of wobbly. I don't exercise them much.

No movement after dinner, or at least, not any that probably qualifies or that I want to discuss here. :wink:


5/31
sore glutes, sore muscle in right side, shoulders are back to normal level of tightness from extreme tightness of several days ago

1:00 PM
gardening - digging, replanting and watering. Also, we rearranged my living room - took up old rug and put down new rug. Lots of lifting. Felt good.

7 PM
living room
shoulders are looser, but I have pain mid back, between shoulder blades and down to mid back, along the spine
Knee and ankle circles with left leg, right shoulder, elbow and wrist circles, then left leg again. Then did some pelvic rotations and spinal twists
RPE: circles with left knee and ankle very hard
RT: left leg - very poor, worse clockwise, worse after arm motions. Very jerky circles
RPD back discomfort

[Allison]

5:30 AM
living room
I feel tired, didn't sleep well
did 1st 8 minutes of warrier wellness tape, neck and shoulders
RPE: I'm still not exactly sure what this means. No real cardio effort, mucles don't feel that they are working hard, but coordination requires a lot of effort, especially when I do both arms, at which point I can't figure out which way they should be moving - together or opposite? So I would say a 7
RT: 4 or 5
RPD - 3, no pain, lots of crunching.
Ok, I know I am not doing some of these right. I have a great deal of trouble learning physical movements, even when I can watch someone else do it. In the one aerobic dance class I took, I was always going the wrong way and crashing into people.

12:00 noon
bathroom at a client site
Still stiff, mid back pain.
Did neck movements from tape, the ones I remembered anyway. 4 arm screws, pelvic circles
RPE: 6
RT - 3 on neck. Other stuff was better
RPD: 3, crunchy neck
I had access to a mirror for this session, which was really helpful. I could see that I wasn't doing the neck stuff right. On the one where you slide the neck forward, my shoulders were moving too much, so I was able to refine this movement (don't have much range of motion there, also my face looked so weird when I did this, LOL) I should get a mirror for my living room or wherever I'm going to do this stuff, I think it would be really helpful. Also, I could compare my double arm circles with the tape and see if I looked the same. I also started doing thoracic circles in my chair, which helped my mid back pain. Half an hour after doing a bunch of them, the pain had reduced by about half.

PM - I blew it. I had to come home, cook and eat dinner, read over 100 emails, take care of my 6 parrots and be at a meeting by 7. I ran out of time. I can see that I have to do planning for evenings like this. This is harder than it was to do 3 meals. I always ate three meals at regular meal times - my blood sugar demanded it. All I had to change was the content. Now I have to create time in a schedule that is already sometimes overloaded. Have to keep reminding myself, I am a newbie. I am on an early step. This will take time. I will get there. I was going to try to do some when I got home, but I had way too much to get done before going to bed, and all this week, I have not been able to make it to bed by 10. I had to make sleep a priority because I am feeling very sleep deprived.

I'm going to figure out which circles I can do on the train, so if my schedule is really bad, I can at least do some movement on the train. I could probably do neck, wrist and finger, ankle and seated thoracic circles.

[Allison]

4:50 AM
Living room
tired, frazzled
elbows, wrists, finger circles with the tape
RPE: 7 (coordination)
RT: 5
RPD: 5
Wow, finger and wrist circles cause muscle fatigue. Cannot coordinate both arms at once. Not sure which way they shoudl be going, get tangled up.
I need to do shoulder, neck , wrists and fingers throughout the day.
Wondering whether to write my movement history.

11:35 AM
chair at work
Feeling ok
shoulder rolls, neck (turning head from side to side), wrist and finger circles, ankle circles.
RPE: 7 fingers really hard
RT: 5
RPD: 5 shoulders crunching

Then I did an hour long exercise class with lots of aerobics. One of the women is taping the class so she can use it in a film editing class, so we could see ourselves on the monitor. I found it distracting - I looked like a cow having a seizure. I always seemed to be doing something different from everyone else. It takes me many repetitions to learn a motion sequence. I got a good workout, but felt very klutzy.


8:10 PM
Ok, I cheated, did chores first so I could relax when doing exercise instead of worrying about chores.
Living room
feeling ok, some back and shoulder pain, also neck from falling asleep on train
I did the chest, back and hips portion of the tape
RPE: 7, actually breathing a little harder. Most of the moves were not difficult, but took more energy (as opposed to some that don't require energy, but require huge amounts of concentration)
RT: 7
RPD: 2 tiny bit of back pain mid back on twists, but not bad or scary pain.

Wow, this was fun! And this is the area I need to work to free my tension chain. I like these moves.

[Allison]

4:50 AM
living room
achey
did leg portion of ww tape to end
RPE 6
RT 6
RD 4
Some strain to tendons where legs join pelvis from exercise class the previous day. Balance is pretty good, had to lean a little bit but the four corner drill went well.

12 noon
walk around downtown Boston
Achey
RPE 5
RT N/A
RD 0
felt good, beautiful day, great to be out in the sun after all the rain we've had

7:40 PM
Kitchen
stiff, tight shoulders
did torso, neck, wrist, hand, hip circles
RPE 5 hands - took lots of concentration
RT 5
RD 4 crunchy neck - ick, that gives me the creeps. Weird sensations in my hands, along the top into the wrists

Felt good. I had on my new yoga pants - they are a BE lifter, I don't know why. They feel silky, and they make me feel strong. So much better than the sweat pants I used to wear. I need to work on my shoulders more, they are really tight. I think I need to do arm screws in each 5 minute session

7:15 - 8:45
Yoga class, felt relaxed, shoulder pain reduced

[Allison]

I woke up feeling awful this morning! I had gone to bed feeling relaxed, with my shoulders looser, and I woke up feeling as though someone had been winding my tendons around a rod to tighten them. Horrible neck, shoulder and back pain, knees hurting, muscles above kneecaps aching, tendonitis in my right thumb acting up. Ugh - have been low energy all day. How do I get so screwed up in my sleep? Lately I keep waking up with severe shoulder tightness - I must really tense up in my sleep.

5:50 AM
Living room
awful!
did neck and shoulder part of tape
RPE 6 RT 5 RD3, crunching in shoulders
I can't do the egyptian neck slide, also have trouble with the forward neck slide. I can do the others, although there is crunching when turning side to side, and discomfort in the one where you drop your shoulder to stretch. When doing the shoulder exercises, my arms felt heavy and bloodless. I did better with both arms at once, but I am still not sure I am doing what Scott is doing on the tape. I am very poor at back double circles, although the single ones are not that hard for me. When I try to do both, I have problems, but I know this will improve in time.

1:00 PM
I did shoulder screws in my chair at work, 4 sets. Then I went for a walk
The shoulder screws were at a discomfort of about 5. They did release some tension

8:45 PM
living room
sluggish and achey
danced to 3 Santana songs to get the blood and BE flowing
Then I did everything on the tape from elbows through hips
RPE cardio 5 coordination 4
RT 6 seeing improvement
RD 3 my wrists were crunching, and felt fatiqued from the circles. Mid back pain, but it isn't bad.

I am starting to figure out the 2 arm stuff. I kept punching myself in the butt when doing the back circles with both arms, though. Punched myself with the left hand.

I really like the chest, back and hip movements. The hip tilting one is like doing turns on skis, only without the twisting.

My shoulders hurt, I need to do arm screws before bed
I didn't do my movement right after dinner, I was reading emails and then took care of the parrots before moving.

After I finished this movement, my back, neck and shoulders got really tight. I feel as though I have a big knot where the shoulder and neck meet on the left side. I am so sick of this! I haven't felt tense this evening, but my body is knotting up These last few weeks are about the worst I've ever been and it seems to be getting worse. And I'm waking up with awful shoulder pain, which I never did before. What is going on?

[Scott Sonnon]

Allison,

Congratulations for finding your tension chain! Initially the tension chains attempt to clamp down, resisting release. Stay positive, keep moving as you feel tension building between sessions.

I suspect the feeling in your arms when you tilt your head of "heavy and bloodless" relates to vascular compression by muscle tension.

Increase your daily water intake (1-2liters/day). You dehydrate faster when releasing tension chains.

[Allison]

The shoulder pain started to get much worse, and I started waking up really tight, a few weeks before ranch. I think it was my body's way of calling out for help and telling me I'd better pay attention to this CST stuff. The last time my body really called out for help, I went and got a massage, and have gotten them regularly ever since. I never used to spend money on self care, so getting massages was a big step.

Thanks for confirming my feeling about why I have trouble keeping my arms up. I've had trouble with it for a long time - yoga positions where you have to keep your arms at shoulder height or higher are really hard and uncomfortable for me, and I usually have to lower my arms and then raise them again. Since my shoulders have been tighter, I started getting the bloodless feeling and not just discomfort, and began to think it was from constriction. This morning I could barely keep them up enough to shampoo my hair. Can't wait to see improvement there!
Allison

[Allison]

Ok, today I did not do so well with movement three times a day. This is much harder than doing the food. There's no way I ever would have skipped a meal, even before PnP, but I'm having trouble dealing with weird routine changes etc.

AM: Lucy, my dog, woke me up early. I let her out. I'd only had 6 hours of sleep and I was tired, so I went back to bed, and overslept. I had to meet people somewhere at 8 to car pool, and barely made it on time. If it hadn't involved other people, I would have just taken the risk of being late.

Noon: spent the afternoon doing a house tour , so I was walking, but not doing conscious movement, plus I was wearing a backpack that was not doing my shoulders any good.

PM: Ok, this is more like it.
6:45
living room
stiff and sore
tape - legs to the end of the tape, arm screws
RPE 4 RT 5 RD 3
I am getting better at this stuff? Knee circles are smooth now. I have to hold onto something for leg swings and knee and ankle circles, but not for most of the four corner balance drill. However, my feet don't feel like they are on fire.

Tomorrow I want to go through the whole tape and do a cheat sheet so I can do part of the routine when I am not at home.

Tomorrow I will definitely have time after breakfast. I'm doing the second part of the house tour, but I will find a way to get in 5 minutes. I need to commit. It's just interesting how this is harder than the food for me. With the food, I just did it. But I know I can do this.

[Allison]

8:00 AM
living room
sluggish, in pain
Neck and shoulder portion of tape
RPE 3
RT 3
RD 4
Kept hitting myself with certain 2 arm moves. I really hurt. It doesn't make me want to move, although I did anyway. I feel very sluggish. The pain must moves from one place to another.

Lots of crunching. It feels creepy to crunch, especially my neck, although I know it's good.

Middle of day - walking tour. Carried less in the backpack today.

7:15 pm
living room
back pain
elbows, hands wrists chest back and hips portion of tape
RPE 5
RT 4
RD 4
Still can't do some of the double elbow moves, there is one in particular where I hit myself. A couple of the others, I'm not in synch with the tape, but at least I don't hit myself.

I woke up with the shoulder pain gone, but I had a headache, my thumb, back and neck hurt. The thumb cleared up but now it's hurting again, and now the shoulder pain is coming back. It seems that when I clear one area, the pain just migrates, and when I clear that area, it migrates back. This is the worst overall physical pain I have ever had - I have to just have faith that it will resolve eventually.

I'm definitely doing something to myself in my sleep. When Lucy woke me up at 5, I had pain in one shoulder and arm from something about the way I am lying. I lie on my side, and I seem to crunch up the shoulder on the bottom, and also my neck, so if I lie on one side too much, I must mess up that side. I wonder if a different type of pillow would help? I don't know how to lie on my side and not crunch up my shoulder. Also, if I sleep too long I get a bad backache, probably because my hips and shoulders are a lot wider than my waist, so my spine must sag.

[Scott Sonnon]

I hear you say it's painful, Allison, but you're doing great! You've got the tension on the run! I suspect if you keep at it, you'll uncover the source issue... and when you deal with that source, the sleeping trouble will melt away with the tension.

[Allison]

I woke up pain free, except for my right thumb! I know the pain may be back, but I'm thrilled.

4:15
living room
tired - didn't sleep well
did the leg portion of the tape
RPE 4
RT 5 RD 1
Right shoulder beginning to tighten, but not bad. Did pretty well. Needed to hold the mantel a couple of times, but not bad.

1:00 PM
stairwell at work.
neck moves, arm screws, wrist, finger and hip circles.
RPE 3
RT 4
RD 3
neck sounds like it's full of sand - ick! Especially when I turn it to the right. I think I am doing the Egyptian neck slide correctly to the left, but when I go right I tilt and lose it. I need to check in out in front of the mirror. The Egyptian slide makes me feel kind of icky, almost nauseous, the way I feel when I try to write with my left hand. My right thumb hurts. I feel better physically and emotionally today, as though something has cleared out of my body.

8:40 (ok, not right after my meal, had to juggle my schedule)
living room
feeling pretty good
did shoulders, elbows, wrists, fingers
RPE 4
RT 3
RD 3
Man, I just have so much trouble with the double shoulder and elbow circles, LOL. My right wrist hurts, and the bone pops when doing the circles, makes me feel a bit woozy because it grosses me out to pop. I feel the bone pop in the joint. Pain free except for right thumb and left bit toe - how weird, opposite extremities. Also, when I did the move where you stretch your arms forward, I had a sharp pain in my neck.

I feel like all I ever do is piss and moan about various pains and weird sensations but I guess that is part of listening to my body right now. I don't seem to have any big thoughts of emotions come up, just taking an inventory of how my body feels.

[Scott Sonnon]

You're doing great! The POINT is just like your intuition speaks - "to take inventory of all of the sensations." After practice, something changes, and your entire organism plugs into that field of sensations - becomes self-monitoring and self-correcting.

[Allison]

4:50 AM
Living room
feeling pretty good, still pain free except for right thumb
did chest, back, hips part of tape
RPE 4
RT 5
RD 1
This is a great way to start the day, because I think this series of moves is fun. had a little trouble with the side one, which I usually don't. The tilting one makes me slightly dizzy (as well as wreaking havoc with loose necklines and bra straps.) My left hip was clicking.
I would like to start every day with these - because of schedule challenges etc I am not there yet but that is my goal. (I am exercising every morning, but don't always get the whole body done in a day, so then I do what I missed before.)

12:37 PM
Stairwell
Feeling good
legs, 5 arm screws each arm
Couldn't do 4 corner balance drill, stairwell too small
RPE 4
RT 3
RD 1
Ankle circles don't work with sandals on! Have to rethink how to split things up. What can I do at work, what do I need to do at home
Leg swing to right - hip is clicking, tendon hurts (I think it's a tendon, on the inside of the leg where it joins pelvis.)

6:30 PM
Kitchen, before dashing off to a meeting
Feeling pretty good
ankle circles barefoot, 4 point balance drill, neck moves
RPE 3
RT 4
RD 1
Have to figure out how to handle busy evenings when I have to go out after dinner. Toe is all better, thumb still sore, shoulders no longer sore to the touch, no big knots, left is slightly tight.

Had an unusual challenge on the 4 point balance drill - Lucy decided to "help" me. Balancing while a dog is bumping you, leaning on you, sitting where you need to put your leg is an interesting experience. The highlight was when I put my foot on my opposite leg and pushed the knee out, and she decided that my lower leg made a good shelf, and stood on her hind legs and draped her paws over my leg.

[Scott Sonnon]

Loved the Lucy-aid story! :D

[Allison]

4:50 AM
Living room
shoulders, elbows, 5 arm screws each side
RPE 4
RT 4
RD 2
Shoulders tightening again, arms sort of heavy. Shoulders tight and crunchy, and right thumb still hurts.

I did wrists and fingers midmorning

12:00PM
Aerobics class at work.
RPE 8
Last week this felt hard. This week it was a blast, although I was pretty tired and sweaty at the end. I still didn't get everything right, but I didn't care. The TV monitor from the filming was further away, so it didn't distract me and I didn't care when I could see myself.

After the class, I had to walk to the subway in the hot, humid weather and then from the subway to the doctor's office. I was still generating a lot of heat from the class. very damp and steamy.

7:15
yoga class
I couldn't take my usual classes this week due to schedule conflicts, so I took the intermediate class for the first time. It was great - I really felt like I worked my body and stretched it, like I used to in the yoga class I took when I lived in Mass. I am going to alternate this with the all level, less intense class. I'd switch permanently, except this class conflicts with liaison chat, and I don't want to miss it every week.

My shoulders are still fairly pain free, my left shoulder is slightly sore to the touch, and the right is fine.

I had to eat before bed, carb and protein snack, because I ate dinner at 4:30 on the train, and I worked my body hard today (but not against its will, it was a happy participant.) I also suspect I am dehydrated from sweating and not actively drinking water during parts of the day when I normally do, so today I will need to drink extra water.

[Allison]

4:45 AM
living room
crampy
chest, back and hips portion of tape
RPE 5
RT 7
RD 2
Some of this was uncomfortable because of pain in my left side - this is an old recurring pain. It's an adhesion or something, and I just ignore it because things I do don't make it worse or better. After doing these moves, my right leg was wobbly, and the source was where the leg joins the body. I'm not sure which move made it wobbly. I really enjoy this set of motions.

I need to take it easy today after intense exercise yesterday.
Knots in neck, shoulders tender, some back pain

1:15 PM
stairwell
somewhat tight
legs, 4 point balance drill, neck, wrists, fingers from tape
RPE 4
RT 5
RD 2
Crunchy neck, tight where neck meets shoulders and around shoulder blades. Egyptian neck movement is starting to work to the left, but I can't seem to get the motion right at all for the right side. Using a mirror makes it much worse when I've tried that to see if I'm doing it.

I found this space at the bottom of the stairwell that has enough clearance to do the 4 point balance drill, also there's less interruption there, because only people who are taking the back stairs all the way down will find me.

PM
I had to come home, cook, take care of birds and be out of the house, and I didn't get in 5 minutes of movement. I need to continue working on this, or do more at another point in the day, because I'd like to do the whole series each day. Tomorrow is another day!

[Scott Sonnon]

Allison,

You're doing great! Don't give up on that old injury!!!

[Allison]

6/11
5 AM
living room
tired, don't feel like doing it, running late
jaw circles, neck circles, arm screws
RPE 3
RT 5
RD 1
I am exhausted, don't feel like doing anything. Had to make myself do it. I was mobbed by my dogs during the neck circles. Can't resist Patches when she gets all excited and wags from end to end, so my technique suffered when I bent over a bit to pet her.

1 PM
stairwell, then outdoors
all right, processing emotional stuff all day
wrist and finger circles, 5 arm screws each side, walked around block
RPE 3
RT 4
RD 1
Too much foot traffic on the stairs. I felt self conscious, so I went for a walk around the block. It was gorgeous out, and it felt good to be walking without carrying a heavy tote bag or purse. I felt free, powerful, felt my hips moving with each stride, muscles engaging.

Evening - eek - crazy evening. Did not do it. Need to stop having crazy evenings!

6/12
8:20
living room
feel lousy (dog got me up at 5, headache, stiff neck)
neck circles, jaw circles, arm screws, pelvic circles, plough (yoga position, I can't do it with straight legs anymore)
RPE 4
RT 5
RD 3
I can't believe I used to do the fish flop so easily, and now I can hardly even do the first part of it. Why did I stop doing all these physical things? It's like I grew up and just stopped moving or having any physical fun. Yesterday I got this strong urge to have a bicycle, so I can connect with my child self who loved her bike and rode it all over the place. I haven't been on one in 21 years. I hated gym class, but I loved skating, swimming, biking, trampoline, horseback riding and I just stopped all that stuff. Got busy and didn't make it a priority. I used to do yoga (I do again, but I'm not very flexible anymore), be really flexible, do headstands, run down the hall and do flying somersaults onto my parent's bed, which they were not happy about, pretend to be a horse and jump over obstacles. Before the trampoline, we used to jump on beds. And even a hammock could be a wild and exciting ride when we got ahold of it. And swinging, I loved to swing, and now it makes me sick. I loved to swing really high and hang my head down and look at the ground. And before I got a car, I walked for miles. Walking is the only one of those things that I do regularly. I need to rediscover the others.

8 PM
living room
feeling pretty good
all of tape except neck
RPE 5
RT 4 - varies with body part
Rd 1
lots of shoulder crunching, wrist crunching. Balance so so
Tomorrow I will try to split the tape in two and do it AM and PM. Then I have to come up with a plan for each weeknight, especially the nights when I have to go out after work. Maybe eat on the train?

[Randell Waddell]

I enjoy reading your logs because although you are really busy, you are still in there kicking along whenever possible.

I've only had a few hours of sleep in the last couple of days, trying to get my school committments completed. I shall follow your example and fit some body/mind time in for myself - I shall hit the shed and play with some good old WW. The kids are in the yard playing as well so they will probably join in with "Mr Scott" as well.

Cheers
Randell :D

[Allison]

9:15 AM
living room
stiff left shoulder
Did first part of tape, from necks to fingers
RPE 4
RT 4
RD 3
My left shoulder was crunching, and painful. I think it is a pinched nerve in my neck - the pain from it shows up in the shoulder. I have had this before. I usually wake up with it, and it takes a week or so to go away. Turning my head hurts in the shoulder. Neck tilting and turning and some of the shoulder stuff hurt, but not as though the movement was making anything worse.

10PM
Living room
shoulder still hurting, horrible back and neck pain, throbbing headache starting up over the left eye, where it always happens. (Headache probably from stress and dehydration)
2nd half of tape
RPE 4
RT 7
RD 5
Debated whether to skip the movement, since at 10 I am supposed to be going to bed. But because I was in so much pain, I decided it was important to do it, especially since I was supposed to do back movement in this set. It was painful, and I didn't really feel better afterwards, but I am still glad I did it. Afterwards, I felt sort of dizzy and nauseous, but I don't think it was actually from doing movement.

The evening was very stressful. I had the usual Sunday evening thing of having lots of stuff I had to finish up and not having time to do it. I was out on the porch in the dark cutting up 40 lbs of chicken frames for the dogs for an hour, and that's when I got the backache and neckache, from leaning over the box of chicken. I had been doing errands most of the day and didn't get to drink enough water. And we had a very disturbing meeting at church earlier in the day. It all got to my body and must have activated my tension chain ? Anyway, my body was very unhappy. (Then I slept very poorly, and woke up still in pain this morning, 6/14, but the pain isn't as bad. I will stretch during the day, and do some spinal stuff to try to clear up some of it.)

[Sally]

Allison,

I really feel for you with the shoulder/neck issue since I have it too! I hope this resolves quickly for you.

sally

[Allison]

4:45 AM
living room
very tired and irritable, back and neck pain
I did the tape, from neck to elbows
RPE 4
RT 6
RD 4
My arms feel heavy again. I feel really yucky this morning, stressed, lack of sleep, pain. Something has to give and it will probably be me. Maybe I should watch the next tape - I'm doing parts of this really well, but other parts still need work

12:50 PM
stairwell
stiff and sore
arm screws, 5 each arm, shoulder rolls 5 each way. Neck tilt and swivel 10 each way, wrist and finger circles
RPE 2
RT 4 (for the fingers, also hard to do the neck tilts with shoulder and neck pain)
RD 4
Right wrist is popping to the right but not to the left. Neck hurts. Why do certain things, like writing with my left hand, or making circles with my pinkies or ring fingers, make me nauseous?

8:40 PM
living room
neck is feeling better, now mid back hurts
2nd half of tape, chest down
RPE 5
RT ranges 8-3
RD 2
wow, suddenly I noticed my neck and shoulder don't hurt much anymore! It didn't happen during my session, but I'm sure the movements I did today helped. Also, my shoulders are still fairly soft and unbricklike, for me. The knots are looser, and don't hurt unless I press hard.

[Scott Sonnon]

Great breakthrough! Congrats on your pain-free neck & shoulders!

[Allison]

4:50 AM
living room
ok - neck and shoulder pain mostly gone, mild back pain
RPE 4
RT 7
RD 2
Left shoulder crunching, sand in neck. I think I did the Egyptian for a short time!
I need to assess my progress - I will be ready for intermediate on some stuff soon, but not everything. I still can't do the double arm stuff right - I need to analyze that part of the tape

12:50 PM
client site - bathroom
some back and neck issues
chest movements, wrist and finger circles
RPE 3
RT 6
RD 1
right wrist popping again to right, and a little to left. After doing the circles, my hands and wrists felt alive.

10 PM
living room
feel bloated, sweaty from humidity
2nd half of tape, from chest down
RPE 4
RT 7(some parts still weak)
RD 1
Wow, who needs a chiropracter? My back sounds like a fireworks display. Only slight shoulder pain from my pinched nerve. When I do tilts, I am pulling something in the vicinity of my right hip. Other than that, no discomfort. Balance was a challenge

I felt that it was very important to do this, even though it meant staying up late. I don't sleep well in this weather anyway. I am committed to taking care of my body, but sometimes the various needs (sleep vs movement for instance) conflict. And I was up late because I was out in the evening taking care of my spirit.

[Scott Sonnon]

Great work, Allison!

[Allison]

4:45 AM
living room
Tired - didn't sleep well in humidity
first half of WW tape
RPE 4
RT 6
RD 2
I think I am getting the Egyptian to the left, but I just freeze up to the right. I still can't get the double arms. What is the purpose of the double arms? Is it for coordination? I do them, but I know I'm not doing them the way they are on the tape.

I have some neck and shoulder pain tilting and swivelling my neck, but not bad, lost of left shoulder cracking

12:00 PM
Aerobics for 1 hour with group from work, then wrist and finger circles
I was stiff before doing this. It was fun, but exhausting. I felt looser afterwards, still some back pain near the shoulder blades, but my neck felt looser. Took a while to get my energy back.

10:00 PM
Living room
feeling pretty good
second half of tape
RPE 5
RT 7
RD 1
Fireworks again from my back - pop, pop, pop on spinal twist. The tilts didn't pull this time, but they make me really dizzy.

I tightened up several times during the day (especially after sleeping on the train) but the tension dissipated by itself (not while or right after doing WW.) Could doing WW affect the tendency to retain tension, rather than just releasing it while doing it?

My left shoulder is slightly tender. I need to do some arm screws tomorrow.

[Scott Sonnon]

Allison,

The purpose of double arm movements is the same as any other movement: Increasing Sophistication through Incremental Progress. Don't demean your potention movement as "just for coordination." Coordination is the whole, beautiful point - for joint health, mobile security and for the essential synergy of total integrated efficiency of movement.

Initially, tension chains attempt to 'hold on' and will periodically attempt to clench up, resisting relaxation. It's all part of the process of release.

You're doing well, don't worry.

[Allison]

6/17
4:45 AM
living room
feeling pretty good
1st half of tape
RPE 5
RT 6
RD 2
left shoulder/neck still slightly painful. Left shoulder crunching. Right leg hurts where it joins the pelvis (I think that's a tendon), probably from kickboxing yesterday.

Noon
walk, fairly brisk, stopped at two stores

7:15 PM
yoga class
I felt good afterwards, really stretched out. I seemed to be more flexible than usual, and able to stretch more into the poses and get more out of them. I was also able to hold my arms up longer. I really felt my muscles working.

My neck/shoulder is pretty good. My back is feeling good. My shoulders are slightly tender to the touch, but not bothering me. Ok, just did 5 arm screws each side. They no longer cause muscle cramps. Right leg still hurts, especially when driving.


6/18
Ok, I didn't do so well this morning. I haven't slept well in three days because of heat and humidity. I was nearly at the end of a book I could barely put down. Dawdled too much at breakfast, didn't have time to do half the tape. Duh - I should have just done 5 minutes. Oh well, I forgot that was an option. Funny, even in my worst days of sugar addiction, I never would have considered skipping a meal. My blood sugar was way too volatile for that. But exercise - have to think of it as being like food.

8:40 PM
living room
feeling good
tape from wrists down
RPE 5
RT 5
RD 0
didn't feel my form was as good on some of the stuff as it has been. My shoulders are tight, sore to the touch but they have been much worse.

Sleeping on the train definitely messes up my neck, even with a travel pillow.

[Allison]

6/19
7:15 AM
living room
This was my only chance to do WW, and I didn't have time to do the whole tape, so I did all but the double arm moves and the 4 corner balance drill. I didn't write down any details in my journal, boo hiss. I did feel pretty good. And my drawing class went well afterwards - I got into the groove.

6/19
9 PM
living room
back pain, tired from doing physical stuff all day
did entire tape
RPE 7
RT 7
RD 3
neck hurts some, so does back. Even though it still hurt when I finished, I know I will feel better for having done it. I have lower back pain, need to do some pelvic tilts before bed. I think the sideways back movement may be easier to do in a chair. I found myself doing it at a celtic music concert Saturday night. When you are seated, you can make sure you aren't moving your hips.

Ugh - another Sunday night. I have a busy week coming up and need to plan carefully so I can get in my circles

[Allison]

4:10 Am
living room
tired
did 1st half of tape
RPE 5
RT 7
RD 1
some neck pain. Crunchy shoulders. Cramps and associated back pain. Double arm circles are improving. I think the Egyptian neck slide is too, but I can't really be sure, because if I use a mirror, trying to watch changes the movement.

9 PM
living room
headache - feel icky
2nd half of tape
RPE 5
RT 7
RD 0
afterwards, legs felt wobbly, like they do after really stretching out in yoga class. I had doggy interference. Patches has this way of leaning into me and tilting her head up and looking at me with heart melting adoring eyes, and while I was doing the hip tilts, she came over and leaned into me. At first, I tried to discourage her, but she persisted, and I had to give in and cuddle with her. Then when I was doing the 4 corner balance drill, Lucy decided that the hand that was moving around as I balanced was meant to be a dog toy. Otherwise, why would I have been moving it around like that?

[Pattimeow]

Allison,
The interaction with your doggies cracks me up! :lol: I have one cat named Jack Frost who thinks every time I do WW it is for him, LOL! So he jumps up on the curio cabinet and then on top of the wall unit which is right in front of me and meows wanting to be petted. Now, how can I resist that? It is so funny, he only does this when I do WW. And then sometimes my other cats walk around me meowing. It is so funny!

Patti

[Allison]

6/22
4:10 AM
living room
exhausted
Did the first half of the beginner tape, through finger circles
RPE 7
RT 7
RD 1
some neck pain,. Everything feels harder today. Arms feel heavy. Left shoulder really crunching and crackling during the double arm stuff

In the evening, I was faced with more chores than I could do. As it was, even without doing the second half of the tape, I was up 40 min beyond my usual bedtime. The next day, I would only be able to do half the tape so I decided to just do the second half the next day. I gave myself permission to not be perfect and not feel guilty about it.

6/24
4:10 AM
living room
exhausted, left big toe hurts at the base joint
did second half of tape
RPE 5
RT 7
RD 1
I really like this set. All is going well except left ankle circles, and I have to rest a hand on the mantel to do the leg swings. I guess I should be ordering clubbells and the tape and/or book at this point, but I feel less eager than some other people, partly because of the expense. Of course, it's much cheaper than joining a gym, but will I do it and keep at it? And right now my life feels like I have no time for anything. I want to do it, though.

Maybe I'll get a book or video first - maybe that will get me really psyched. I am enjoying most of WW. I would like to be strong and fit.

Noon - aerobics kick boxing at work. I am very low energy today and my right leg hurts where it joins the hip, on the inside. It's a tendon pain, not joint pain.

7:15 yoga class
Once again, I can feel the benefits of CST. I feel like I really can get more into the poses and am getting more stretch. For instance, when I lie on my back and bend my legs and bring them to my chest, they go much further into my chest - the hip joints are more flexible.

My goal, I think, is to be able to do things I did as a kid that I can't do anymore, like the fish flop, or bending over and putting my hands on the floor, or reaching one arm over my shoulder, one up my back, and having my fingers touch. Stuff I took for granted and lost because I just stopped doing them. I've even lost the ability to do things I could do 5 years ago, when I last did yoga and stretching regularly.

[Connie Brown]

The good news is that it comes back too. The things you could do as a child, I mean.

Scott told me an interesting point. We admire children's freedom and fluidity of movement - but what they don't have is neurological sophistication.

I remember a ballet teacher saying she doesn't like to teach kids younger than 7 because they hardly know where their feet are, much less what to do with them. And a highland dancing teacher who shows how the ability to hold arms straight up is strictly developmental - up until age 8 or so they are just out and then whoop, up they go. It is remarkably consistent.

So. We have a much more rich CNS (central nervous system). And if we can NOT accumulate tension, disuse, and injury we can only get better and better! isn't that neat? Course we also have more insurance (ref Fried Green Tomatoes) which we will not need much (knock on wood).

[Scott Sonnon]

Well said, Connie!

[Allison]

4:20 AM
living room
tired, shoulders tight
1st half of tape
RPE 5
RT 8
RD 2
left shoulder very crunchy. I need to do arm screws. Arms heavy. Some pain from pinched nerve, but only mild, during head tilts. Not bad

9:55 PM
living room
feeling good
2nd half of tape
rpe 4
rt 8
rd 1
I did this using Connie's cheat sheet, not the tape, because it's faster, and it was late. It was weird, because I could see my reflection in the tv. I need not to look at my reflection during the balance drill, because it made me fall over.

During hip circles, my neck kept popping when I reached a certain point in the rotation. Lots of back popping in the spinal twist. The side to side spinal didn't look right in the tv. I don't think looking helps. It's something you have to feel your way into. I can normally do it fine, especially sitting - do it sometimes to music when I want to dance and can't, like at work.

[Allison]

6/26
9:10 PM
living room
whole routine, without tape
RPE 5
RT 6
RD 2
Neck really hurts, some back pain. Several moves are not right. I cannot do the Egyptian. Side to side spinal doesn't feel right. Double arms disatrous. Lower body ok without tapes, except I realized later that I forgot the thrust one. I had to turn my back to the TV because the distorted image distracts me. Woke up with right thumb in pain and it has been bothering me all day. (moan, whine, grump)

6/27
8:40 PM
living room
neck, shoulder and back pain (mid and lower)
whole routine, without tape
RPE 5
RT 8
RD 4
Did it without tape - and I got the double arms right this time. Yay!! I could see myself in the Tv and it didn't distract me. I used the image to monitor what I was doing.

Egyptian and chest side to side are much easier to the left than to the right. I slide to the right, then it seems like I freeze up and go back to teh middle and don't go far to the right, especially with the Egyptian. The Egyptian and forward neck slide cause me to tense up my neck in some weird way to even do them.

My balance was pretty good. I only had to touch the mantel during leg swings, not lean on it. The leg swings are the only thing that is really a challenge for balance. I don't have much trouble with the 4 corner balance drill, except when Lucy decides to participate, which she did tonight.

My pain is worse after doing the circles tonight. Hopefully it will dissipate while I'm sleeping. My left shoulder is very crunchy. I am very sick of this pinched nerve in my neck which causes neck and shoulder pain.

The hip stuff is fun - I think it's my favorite.

[Scott Sonnon]

Keep working those hip circles to alleviate the pain in the neck. Your intuition sounds like it's on to something!

[Allison]

4:15 AM
living room
bad neck and shoulder pain, espec left side
1st half of routine, plus 5 arm screws each side
RPE 4
RT 7
RD 2
Neck and shoulder pain, worst during neck tilts
I had trouble with som eof the double arms, especially top shoulder. It's easier to start one arm and add the other in. Looking pretty good in the reflection on the tv, even though it makes me look more pear shaped than I am

9:30 PM
living room
back and neck hurt
2nd half of routine
RPE 4
RT 8
RD 2

If I really lean back when I thrust, I lose my balance. It's a great glute tightener. Balance is getting good on the leg stuff. I've also noticed that the balance pose we do in yoga class is much easier now.

I have this sudden urge for a hula hoop. I wonder if I can do it in the house - I would feel foolish outside, although there is one place in the yard that is sort of private.

I think part of the side to side back issue may be that one leg is longer than the other, and therefore one hip is higher.

[joysday]

Allison,

I needed some motivation this morning so I thought I'd read through a log and yours was at the top, as chance would have it <smile>, so I read through yours. You are so incredibly persistent and with wonderful honesty about your inconsistency. I am very impressed with the changes in your body you have moved through and look forward to experiencing that for myself. And I too long to move as I did when I was a child, when free spirit was expressed through free body, at LEAST six degrees of freedom, LOL.

Thanks much,
Joy

[Allison]

4:20 AM
living room
much less neck pain
1st half of WW routine
RPE 3
RT 7
RD 2
Much less pain on neck tilt. Arms feel heavy. My biggest problem is coordination on double arms, especially shoulder ones. I lose form trying not to get my arms tangled - elbows bend, lose extension etc. I may just work on that for a session. Lots of crunching in shoulders and sand in neck.

9:45 PM
living room
feeling pretty good
2nd half of WW
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 1
I need to bend knees less on hip circles and make sure movement is coming from hips.

I mentioned the trampoline in a post - wow, I really wish I had access to one. That's probably another reason the hip stuff is easy, all those swivel hips I did as a kid. Hip movements just feel natural to me. If only I didn't have those low beams in my garage - I could put a trampoline in there. It's the most awesome, fun form of exercise. Oh well, I may get myself a hoola hoop this weekend. Hardly the same thing, but something fun anyway.

[Connie Brown]

I mentioned the trampoline in a post - wow, I really wish I had access to one. That's probably another reason the hip stuff is easy, all those swivel hips I did as a kid. Hip movements just feel natural to me. If only I didn't have those low beams in my garage
Oh Allison I want you to follow your heart.

Take out everything else in the garage and sink the tramp below the floor so the mat is at floor level. or outside?

[Allison]

4:30 AM
living room
headache, tired, feel icky
1st half of ww Beginner
RPE 3
RT 7
RD 1
When I do left/right shoulder circles, my body turns - how much of that is normal? So when I do double, my body turns a bit from side to side, and it's also hard to keep my arms straight when they are behind me in this stroke. Top - once again, I was messing up until I started with the right arm and added in left. Double back is also hard. Double elbows good, except bottom - left arm doesn't stay in position.

I want to jump on a trampoline!

9:45 PM
living room
good, in doing mode, just plowing through tasks all evening.
2nd half of WW
RPE 4
RT 8
RD 1
I got the sequence messed up, almost forgot hips! Went back and did them. Hardly had to touch mantel at all during leg swings, expecially on right side. Worked on the feeling of doing spine side to side correctly. If only I could get the Egyptian! Also, on the chest move, concentrating on form. Making sure chest goes forward, instead of butt moving back. This was never a problem when I was working with the tape, but has happened a few times working without the tape, but I am instantly aware that it isn't right so I do an extra one.

[Allison]

7/1
4:15 AM
living room
tired
1st half of WW beginner
RPE 4
RT 7
RD 1
lots of shoulder cracking and crunching, neck ok, arms heavy
Low BE - frustrated by inability to do Egyptian and double arms. Will I be able to do this stuff? Fear about next tape, which is more coordination.

7:15
yoga class
yoga feels different since CST. I feel stronger, more flexible, and I do much better with the balance poses



7/2
4:17 AM
living room
tired, crampy, headache
1st half ww. 5 arm screws each side
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 1
technique was great with all except knee circles, which were a little jerky - odd, because they are usually good. Didn't need to touch mantel at all for either leg swing on the right, and only once each on the left. Balance good.

I was doing chain mail in a jewelry class, and my hands felt cramped from gripping pliers for so long. Next time, I will do finger circles.

[Allison]

Ok - confession time
I did WW on Saturday, but didn't write in my log. And on July 4, I didn't do it. So I am back tonight, and it feels good to be back to it. I am not going to be hard on myself about yesterday. I had a really full, wonderful day and now I will get back to regular life.

8:55 PM
livng room
feeling good, relaxed. I spent the weekend having fun, and I don't have the night before work frantic feeling I usually have at the end of the weekend. Bad tendonitis in right hand at base of thumb. Woke with it - what am I doing to my hand in my sleep?

All of ww beginner.
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 2

really yucky shoulder crunching in left shoulder, including during down double elbow circles. Not in single, but apparently when I do the double, I move my shoulder. Some of the crunching is painful. Pain in right thumb area. I will do extra wrist and finger circles tomorrow. Neck is feeling pretty good.

Oddly, tonight my balance was really good with leg swings, but I had trouble with 4 corner balance drill, which has generally been good, even when I first started doing ww.

[Allison]

Ok, playing catch up here

7/6
4:20 am
living room
tired
1st half ww
wrist circles hurt. Left shoulder making all kinds of icky noises. Circles with index finger on left hand causes weird sensations on the back of my hand down the wrist. left little finger often flips back and forth instead of circling. Shoulders tight and hard to keep arms overhead. No emotions. Moving does't seem to bring up emotions.

I was supposed to do part 2 in the evening, but even though I didn't have to go out or anything, I totally ran out of time and got to bed late.

7/7
4:20 am
living room
wrist and shoulder pain
2nd half ww
RPE 3
RT 7
RD 1
balance not good on leg swings. Good on 4 corner balance drill
I think my posture is improving, at least when standing.

I was supposed to do yoga for my second movement, but ended up getting an appointment with the vet I'd been trying to reach about my sick snake, didn't get home til after 10 because he works evenings and is an hour away, and then had to do battle with a baby skunk in my yard, so I was up til 11 PM and did not do any movement.

7/8
I felt horrible. I have no journal entries. I think I made it a priority to get to bed on time because I was really exhausted from the night before.

7/9
4:20 AM
living room
tired
1st half ww
RPE 3
RT 7
RD 2
feels good to be back after missing a day. Both shoulders grinding and crunching. Double arms will be the death of me, at least double shoulders. double elbows are pretty good. Left little finger can't do circles, just flipping. Did it always do this?

9:45 PM
living room
feel ok
2nd half
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 1
I don't get dizzy doing spinal tilts or deep thrusts anymore. Balance on leg swings is good, improving. Was in rotten mood but I feel a bit better after doing this - lithe and strong.

7/10
9:50 PM
living room
feel ok physically
did whole ww
RPE 3
RT 7
RD 2
double arms went well. Double down elbows was crunchy and uncomfortable. some crackign on spinal twist. right wrist doesn't click or pop anymore on wrist circles. I wonder when that stopped? left knee circle less coordinated than usual. Balance very poor. I almost tipped over in 4CBD, and I have always had good balance on that. I wonder if biochemical imbalance is related to physical lack of balance, because I am way out of whack toda - major BE stuff.

I feel bored. I wish I would have an emotional release. I'm sure I've got repressed stuff, but movement doesn't bring it up. I get flashbacks in the space between sleeping and waking, vivid snapshots and sometimes they stop me in my tracks, or feelings and memories come up with music. I'll get sleepy after lunch, and one of these flashbacks will come, and the emotional effect is jolting.

Last week wasn't a very consistent week in general. My goal this week is to stay on track and be consistent and diligent.

[Allison]

Ok, I haven't posted here in a while. I have been doing WW pretty consistently and keeping my paper journal. I just seem to run into a time crunch when it comes to on line time. I am going to try harder to post here daily.

7/25
9:40 Am
living room
sort of sluggish, tight from beading yesterday
1st half of WW
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 3
neck full of sand, shoulders crunchy. Double downward elbows caused lots of shoulder crunching and some pain in the left shoulder.

Thoughts - why am I not having huge breakthroughs like other people are? I ended up concluding that maybe I have fewer body issues and mobility issues than some other people, so the changes are smaller and more subtle. I am feeling some frustration because my life seems to be in a holding pattern. Something shifted at ranch that caused me to see where my life isn't working even more clearly, and I can tell there's some big shift that is going to happen, but right now I'm in the stuck phase that generally comes before a shift. And I don't know what the shift will be, so I feel apprehensive and disgruntled.

9:20 PM
living room
tired, back hurts (spent the day dealing with flooded basement, moving stuff around, carrying things up to the trash, emptying buckets, plus loaded 10 bags of mulch onto a flat, into my car, and out of my car.)
2nd half of WW
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 4
This time, balance was good on front leg swings and not side, the opposite of the usual. My neck is still full of sand. Mid back pain and lower back pain. Hip circles hurt lower back.

I am reading the CST book. It's very interesting, but I'm feeling a bit of culture shock - I feel like I've stepped into an alien world. (I feel like I've been transported to that back corner of the gym where all the burly men hang out, with the free weights, where I would have to go to pick up the 5 lb hand weights. I always felt really silly walking through with my little weights, among all the grunting, sweating men. And I always felt as though I was intruding. I got in and out of there as quickly as possible.) All those strong men and drawings of the big, burly knuckledraggers and martial arts training stuff. These things don't mesh with my personal goals and I'm feeling pretty wimpy. I will have to filter that stuff out and just take in the information, because the book was written for a different audience. And that is fine. I can do that. The material in the book is well worth the effort. I need to write a cheat sheet for the acronyms, I'm in the computer field and I can never keep all the computer ones straight either.

[Scott Sonnon]

Allison,

The book was written a long time ago, and in the only language I knew at the time.

Things are different now. Concern yourself only with the areas which benefit you and are comfortable.

[joysday]

Allison,

I too have the uneasy feelings about the big burly knuckledraggers :) and am reading the book while hearing it in Scott Sonnon's voice, and that helps a lot. And then I read Connie's post on the CSTforum about the Epsilon seminar and had a few frantic flashes of fear that I might have to do that some day but of course I don't. I can do CST to strengthen my joints and recover movement and swing clubbells and have fun and raise my BE's and get healthier and protect myself from injury and whatever else I want from it.

Your persistence encourages me.
Joy

[Allison]

I understand that it was written for a particular audience, and the audience has expanded. I only brought it up here because it was raising issues and feelings that are relevant to my program, not to criticize it.

Actually, it's brought up some feelings/beliefs that I need to explore, so that's a good thing. For instance, part of me wants to be strong, and enjoys it when I have muscles, and I think another part is sort of afraid of it, or can't see me as physically strong. (The old "big self" stuff, I guess.) I'm only "allowed" to go so far with fitness - far enough to tone and have some muscle, but not far enough to actually be strong. I think I need to look at this some more.
Allison

[Allison]

4:20 AM
living room
tired, tight
1st half of ww, and 5 arm screws each arm
Oops, forgot to record RPE, RT, RD
sand in my neck, lots of crunching. It's cold today, need to find clothes to wear for cst in colder weather
Thoughts - should I have brought up my feelings about the book. I didn't mean them as a criticism, just that my reaction to it had some bearing on my program. I know it was written for a particular audience and the audience has expanded.

Later, on the train, I had huge feelings come up about the issues the book is raising for me. They continued to come up over the first half of the day. Lots of stuff to think and write about to try to sort this stuff out. Lots of confusion and ambivalence and some fear, but mostly confusion and ambivalence, which then fed into related issues.

I do want to read the book, because there is good information in it. I think these are issues that had to surface for me anyway.

8:00 PM
living room
whole left upper body kind of stiff and sore from tetanus shot to left arm during check up
2nd half of WW
RPE 3
RT 8
RD 1
Slight balance problems, otherwise good. Glad I'm not doing arm stuff with this sore arm!