Donna's Log

[mahdiah]

Date: Thursday, 17 June 2004
Time: 11 a.m., 30 min.
Place: Living Room
Energy Level: Calm, upbeat, medium energy level
Exercise Selection: Warrior Wellness, beginner level
Sets: 1, following video
Reps: 5-10, following video
Rest Period: Slight, following video
RPE: 3-4
RT: 7
RPD: 4
Sensations: Warmth in joints and muscles, a sense of "unlocking" which was familiar from Aikido practice long ago, energy moving through body
Feelings: Sadness, as I remembered how good I used to feel when I was doing Aikido regularly and just how stiff, "crunchy" and achy my body feels now, plus goodness as I felt the above sensations moving through my body and a deep feeling of happiness because something felt "familiar" and right about the movements.
Images: Stretching on the mat at the dojo, a bad horseback riding accident that resulted in tearing my ACL in my right knee.
Thoughts: I believe that I still have unresolved sadness about having to leave Aikido practice suddenly and unexpectedly after getting pregnant, being unable to practice (due to pregnancy) and then moving far away from the dojo to places where there was no opportunity for me to participate ever again. I didn't realize this was so important to me after all these years (nearly 20 years!). I believe that I also carry a great deal of fear from my horseback riding accident. Hmmmm.
Questions: Is there anything I can do about these issues? Where do I start?

[Connie Brown]

Welcome, Donna. I hope Scott, Jodie, and Kathleen will chime in too on the grief work for your lost aikido. From other posts I gather that if you can take the time to grieve it will help.

On the fear - working around the areas of tension and it resolves with time.

glad to see another CST Wellness enthusiast on board!

[mahdiah]

Thanks for the reply, Connie.

I have a question. What does "working around the areas of tension" mean? Does it mean to notice what areas are tense as I am doing WW? The reason I ask is that the memory of the accident didn't seem to be associated with a particular movement or part of my body. It just sort of "flew in" and "flew out."

Warmly,
Donna von Nieda

[Connie Brown]

i guess "working around the area of tension" is more for when you notice a real clunk or lost range of motion. I had one right in the middle of the arm screw on the left side and so I slowed it down etc etc.

For your fleeting image: that is very interesting indeed. I wonder what you were doing when it came and went? I am not the most clued-in image person around here but the images seem VERY connected to a body part and the CNS coughs up an image about that part.

[mahdiah]

Hmmm, Connie.

I will pay more attention during WW tomorrow. BTW, what is CNS?

Thank you for your replies.

Warmly,
Donna von Nieda

[Connie Brown]

Central Nervous System. Warrior Wellness stimulates and works with it all over.

[mahdiah]

Date: Friday, 18 June 2004
Time: 11:30 p.m., 30 min.
Place: Living Room
Energy Level: On the low side, but still alert
Exercise Selection: Warrior Wellness, beginner
Sets: 1, following video
Repetitions: 5-10, following video
Rest Period: slight, following video
RPE: 5-6 (body seemed stiffer today)
RT: 3-4 (because of body and neck stiffness)
RPD: 5-6 (because of added stiffness)
Sensations: Overall more stiffness, sharp neck pain on left side of neck - similar to waking up with a "stiff neck" after sleeping wrong. Lower back stiff and achy. Still, body felt warm and it seemed to enjoy the "pops" and "cracks."
Feelings: Felt less sad today, more accepting of where I am right now.
Images: None
Thoughts: I felt such a strong desire to do this movement even though it was late and I could have just left it for tomorrow. I also remembered doing some of these exercises many years before, quite naturally.
Questions: None. I'm still working on moving through the grief I talked about last night. I suspect that the fear may move out as I continue with the Warrior Wellness movement. Is that true?

Donna von Nieda

[Scott Sonnon]

Yes, you will work through it. You're doing well. :)

[mahdiah]

Date: Saturday, 19 June 2004
Time: 8:00 p.m., 25 minutes
Place: Living Room
Energy Level: Good, upbeat
Meals Before: Homemade Macaroni & Cheese, Apple & Cheese, Oriental Chicken Salad, Salad with 1 Hardboiled Egg
Exercise Selection: Warrior Wellness, Beginner
Sets: 1, following video
Reps: 5-10, following video
Rest Period: Slight, following video
RPE: 6-7
RT: 6-7
RPD: 3-4
Sensations: Neck pain lessened from yesterday, but neck still feels stiff on the left side. Lower back feels stiff during certain movements, but no pain. Left hip had some intermitent pain. Both hip joints were more "achy" today. Standing on right leg feels more unstable due to missing ACL in that knee. Left arm felt a bit uncoordinated while doing elbow circles in top plane. My whole body feels "on" after completing the session. Inside I felt a lot lighter and taller than before.
Feelings: Overall positive feeling today, even before doing the movements. As I did Warrior Wellness feelings of confidence and hope were moving through. Usually I have feelings of failure when I am exercising, so this is different.
Images: Images of myself moving lightly, strongly, powerfully, and easily. I had images of myself moving in ways that I never, ever have.
Thoughts: When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was suprised at how heavy I looked because that is not how I felt internally. The thought came to me that I can reclaim my body and tranform it. Feeling and thinking positively like this about my body is very unusual for me.
Questions: Is there a way to sustain these positive thoughts/feelings about my body? I intuitively sense that this is much better than how I have usually been thinking about my body/fitness. If I just keep on going with the movements, will the thoughts naturally begin to stay more positive?

[mahdiah]

Date: Sunday, 20 June 2004
Time: Various
Place: Various
Energy Level: Meditative
Exercise Selection: Neck movements from Warrior Wellness, Beginner
Sets: 7, space throughout the day
Repetitions: 10 each side
Rest Periods: Long Pauses between sets
RPE: 2-3 (I didn't feel I could really push these delicate movements)
RT: 7-8 (I really tried to do the best range of motion I could)
RPD: 6-7 (I went to where the tightness was and really worked there)
Sensations: Stiffness in my neck, left side, mainly. I really spent time "investigating" the stiffness in the whole neck and upper back area, especially on the left side. I found that even though I could stretch an area and get some relief from the stiffness, things would begin to tighten up in no time. My muscles seem to almost automatically tighten in my neck and trapezius (I think that's right) area. I realized that I not only tighten up there when I'm awake, but I believe that I tighten up when I'm asleep!
Feelings: It felt good to really take the time to focus on these areas of stiffness. I also felt some impatience about having to attend to this tension, since it didn't seem to be responding and going away. I kept feeling, "What am I doing wrong?"
Images: None
Thoughts: I didn't realize how deeply habitual my upper back and neck tension are. I also believe that it might be related to my lower back stiffness. I am concerned about finding an answer to relieving my tension, but I also have more hope than I ever have about exercise because I feel a rightness about the Warrior Wellness program for me at this time.
Questions: None

[mahdiah]

Date: Monday, 21 June 2004
Time: 8:10 a.m., 25 minutes
Place: Living Room
Energy Level: Awake and steady
Exercise Selection: Warrior Wellness, Beginner
Sets: 1, per video
Reps: 5-10, per video
Rest: slight, per video
RPE: 6-7
RT: 6-7
RPD: 3-4
Sensations: Body felt like it was getting "fuller," as if I had more blood. I noticed twinges in my back, near the right shoulder blade when I was doing the neck exercises. Lower back felt stiff, but didn't impede movement. Some sharp pain in lower back when doing the kick-knee-to-chest movement, but later the back felt better and there was no sharp pain when doing the same movement. Right ankle was "clicking" when doing the kick to the left side.
Feelings: Felt good to be moving in the morning. Feel good about exercising everyday since I started posting.
Images: Of a dear friend, 300+#, who needs to move this way.
Thoughts: I am surprised that keeping this log seems to be motivating me to keep up with exercise. I believe the key here is your feedback. It has been brief, understanding, and helpful. I also believe that these movements "make sense" to my body and so they are more pleasurable to do on a regular basis.
Questions: None today, but still have the questions from a few days ago.

[mahdiah]

Date: Wednesday, 23 June 2004
Time: 10 p.m., 30 min.
Place: Living Room
Energy Level: Steady
Exercise Selection: Warrior Wellness Beginner - neck; Warrior Wellness Intermediate, shoulder figure 8's, Warrior Wellness Beginner - rest of program
Sets: 1, per videos
Reps: 5-10, per videos
Rests: However long it took to change videos
RPE: 2-3
RT: 7-8 for beginning exercises, 4-5 for new exercises
RPD: 2-3 for beginning exercies, 3-4 for new exercises
Sensations: The figure 8 movements were very, very familiar in some directions and awkward in other directions, but they all felt very good. My body sort of went "ah-ha!" After doing the shoulder rotations, my neck felt a whole lot better.
Feelings: Positive, happy, intrigued and surprised
Images: Different Aikido movements (especially using the jo).
Thoughts: I felt that I could expand into more of the intermediate program.
Questions: None.

[mahdiah]

Date: Thursday, 24 June 2004
Time: 9:10 a.m., 30 min.
Place: Living Room
Energy Level: Quiet, but awake
Exercise Selection: Warrior Wellness Beginner, neck movements, Warrior Wellness Intermediate, from shoulders to hips.
Sets: 1, per videos
Reps: 5-10, per videos
Rest: Brief
RPE: 1-2, 3-4 when coordination got off, occasionally
RT: 2-4, working on extending to full and complete range of motion
RPD: 2-3
Sensations: My lower back seems to be loosening up. Felt, again, the familiarity of some of the circular movements and how good it feels in my body to be doing them.
Feelings: Very upbeat, excited for the future
Images: None
Thoughts: Swirls of possibilities floating through
Questions: None

[mahdiah]

Date: Saturday, June 26, 2004
Time: 1 p.m., 1 hr. 30 min.
Place: Outdoors, near my home
Energy Level: Strong
Exercise Selection: Irrigation ditch cleaning; requires walking in knee-deep water or through brush for over a mile, clearing debris with pitchfork and hands.
Sets: 1
Repetitions: Lots of bending, walking, climbing, forking, reaching, etc.
Rest Periods: Several, brief
RPE: 2
RT: 9
RPD: 2
Sensations: The movements felt good, the water was very, very cold, so my lower legs stung
Feelings: Felt positive and happy
Images: None
Thoughts: Thoughts of appreciation were flowing through me as I admired the natural beauty around me.
Questions: None

[joysday]

Ah yes, the body in nature, cleaning irrigation ditches. :D I spent some of my growing up years on an irrigated farm, lots of hard work! And only a 2 on RPE, way to go!
Joy