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View Full Version : The Mis-education of Dan Chomycia



Dan Chomycia
06-18-2004, 11:44 PM
Some thing strange happened today,

I was riding my bike ready to turn left, the green light was stale however and I wasn’t going to make it through the stoplight. I instead turned sharply and headed straight for the sidewalk in an attempt to not have to wait at the stoplight. Well I turned too short and ended up heading straight into the raised bushes.

Well of course I’m fine but it reminded me of how I always used to wreck on my bike when ever I would ride it.
Like clock work every month sometimes less I would have a wreck on my bicycle.

One time I remember hurrying home after school turning a corner, and getting my handle bars caught in a girls purse who was walking on the sidewalk. The handle bars got twisted and I went flying. I scraped my shoulder up and she feel bad because she thought someone was trying to take her purse and yanked it back into her grasp which made the wreck that much more interesting.

I shared this with Coach Sonnon and he asked “when’s the first time you wrecked your bike?”

I said it was when they first took the so called training wheels off and one of my step fathers friends tried to teach me how to ride.

He told me that he was going to get me going by pushing me and he told me to “just keep pedaling” I was hesitant not really wanting to learn and he was already pushing as a result I just stop pedaling and of course hit the ground like a sac of potatoes.

Eventually after a few years I learned how to ride on my own.
Another thought came to mind just after I shared that with him,

There was another time when my one of my uncle’s tried to teach me how to swim.
He was having me do the back float and was going to hold me up till I got it. Well he must of got tired because he let me sink and water got into nose a stinging I’ll never forget through the nose and down the throat.

Years later I learned to swim on my own because I trusted no one to teach me. Many people would try but I would do anything to get out of it.

I learned to only trust my self when learning new skills because only I knew what would be the next step for me to learning something. I was going to learn at my own pace things that I wanted to learn. Not what everyone else wanted me to learn but what I wanted to learn.

This caused a big problem for me at school, and any subject that I didn’t care for I simply would do the work prescribed by the Teacher. I would get F’s on my report card until I did enough work to not get held back in school.

The subjects I liked I Aced easily. I scored high on my IQ tests yet half of my classes I was failing. Many of my teachers were perplexed saying I had so much potential if I would only apply myself to the other classes.

Many of the teachers would use many different tactics to try and get me to do my school work they would try calling my mother, corporal punishment, detention, isolating me from other students and distractions, Summer School, putting me into the corner, sending me to the principal’s office, to the Counselors, and putting me into remedial courses.

I really didn’t like learning at the hands of someone else. I learned more in the first 2 years after school than 12 years during school. From first grade on I was almost always at odds with the faculty of my school.

When I got out of school I immediately took to reading books, and taking classes that I wanted to take. I worked so that I could re-educate myself in things I was interested in. I didn’t go to College because I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my self. I’ll bet I didn’t really want to be at the mercy of more school teachers who would dish out more BS work just to let me get to the classes I really wanted to take.

I signed up for a Martial Arts Class and got a membership at a gym. I wanted to learn at my own pace on my own terms. After years of searching I found my Coach learned how to incrementally program my development.

Because I have grown so much with this process I wanted to help others program their incremental development and see how they would grow as people. I don’t have to suffer through such lack of guidance any more. And because I’m here no one else has to either.

The few times I remember doing well despite my lack of interest in school were from teachers who actually gave a damn about how well the students learned. Those teachers actually cared about my welfare and I could feel it. They made my most difficult challenges manageable.

I think that defines me as a Coach. To be able to do that for someone else is one of the most fulfilling things I can possibly think of to do.

Talk to you soon!

Sue
06-19-2004, 04:50 AM
Thank you for sharing this with us. A lot of it resonated with me because I am a person who had to learn a lot of things on my own because of trust issues and never feeling I could depend on anyone. And whenevery someone tried to "help," it always felt as if they were criticizing just because they could. I grew up never believing in "constructive criticism" because that was just what they called it when they wanted to blast me for no reason and there was nothing constructive about it, just hurtful.

I remember a "learn to swim" incident as well in my own life. I took "Beginner Swimming" at the YMCA about 8 times (of 6 sessions each) as an adult and had the most trusting, caring, wonderful teacher who got me through some tough spots about trusting enough to learn to float and start swimming. Then one week she wasn't there and they combined Beginner and Intermediate classes. The teacher was telling me I could do what I knew I could not. This wasn't just encouragement, it was bullying. He promised to be there to help me with what he asked me to do, so I took a chance and attempted it. Of course, he was not there for me. I started to panic, went downward, hit my head on the bottom of the pool, panicked and was in tears when I finally got upright. His reaction was "you were only in 3 feet of water; it's no big deal; don't be a baby." Yeah, it was a big deal. How I got back in a pool again is anybody's guess. And it just intensified the fear that I already had for the water. I'm still working on that, several years later - alone.

It was a huge step for me to even post my log here because I never "needed" anyone's help before, and figured I wouldn't get it anyway (in general, not here). So I am glad for a safe place where I can really find out what constructive criticism means and where people actually care about what we're doing. Thank you.

Scott Sonnon
06-19-2004, 06:54 AM
You're a true warrior, Dan. I'm so proud to call you brother.

Pattimeow
06-19-2004, 07:31 AM
Dan,
Thank you. Thank you for not only sharing this, but for being so "real". Your story and your heart's desire to truly give of yourself to other people touched my heart deeply.

I recently took some classes at college. One of the classes was really hard. But I pushed myself through it. The teacher was "unavailable" most of the time. So I felt like I taught myself, or had to find resources that would help me. When it got to the end of the course and I had to give an oral report (had not given one in over 30 years mind you), I aced it. And the teacher finally gave me some verbal pats on the back and encouraged me and told me how very gifted and talented I am. But he was not there, the whole semester, not really. I was going to drop that class because it was so hard and I felt so alone as if I was riding a bicycle up hill with no pedals. But I did it. And this teacher grades really hard, for instance one student in one of his classes previously (this student is a genius), got a 93% overall, and got a B. Well...I came out of this class with a B and I am happy with that.

But it was not due to the teacher. My success was actually due to another teacher of mine. Dr. Kathleen DesMaisons. And her desire to truly care about me and my success in life. I took the teachings she taught me and applied them to this class. I am very grateful for teachers like her, and teachers/coaches like you Dan.

YOU make a difference.

thank you, Patti

Connie Brown
06-19-2004, 10:31 AM
Wow Coach Dan, great story about connecting the dots with your experiences and how it affects your training today.

It's very illuminating to see that even young people without years of ground-in trauma can have areas of bound flow. Hmm, it is not about age.

And the one about who we trust! boy is that a big one. I only trust people myself after they have proven themselves trustworthy. Perhaps I have the bar set a little high out of "trust" bound-flow too.

Here's a question for those of us who know how to release tension with WW.

If we imagine that there are areas of emotional bound-flow, like where we are reluctant to trust teachers, what is the equivalent to working out that tension, just as we use WW daily to release whatever comes up that day?

I like to think that MOVING can reset those distrustful feelings.

elizabeth
06-19-2004, 11:17 AM
Dan, I must have had a similar history, because I very much relate to yours.

I often use the metaphor of "swallowing salt water" and find that others can't relate to that certain kind of stinging in the lungs--so I guess it's not as common as I thought.

Thank you so much for sharing your history so authentically. I don't have all the pieces of mine yet, but yours has provided some clues for where to look.

I can't remember any bicycle incidents, nor any specific swimming lesson ones, but I also suspect softball, kickball and maybe even volleyball incidents. But, previous to that was my mother's voice like a broken record, going on and on about how clumsy and pigeon-toed I was.

My school history was quite similar to yours.

Dan, this post of yours was a huge contribution. Thank you for being so generous.

elizabeth

Dan Chomycia
06-19-2004, 07:39 PM
If we imagine that there are areas of emotional bound-flow, like where we are reluctant to trust teachers, what is the equivalent to working out that tension, just as we use Warrior Wellness™ daily to release whatever comes up that day?
I think Emotional Flow would need to be defined before I could even begin with this one.

I don’t know that I can generalize my feelings toward teachers now, I certainly did then. I can only go deeper into my practice addressing things as they come up and learn from them.

I’m glad that there were people like me, not because of what we went through, but because those experiences have helped me improve others. Some people who knew me then do not believe who I am now. They expected that I would have a terrible life ending up in a correctional facility. But when I remember who I was, I see exactly how I came to be.

Thanks to everyone who commented and to those who didn’t. :wink:

jodie
06-19-2004, 08:28 PM
Congratulations on coming so far Dan!
Choosing to follow the path with heart is one of the most difficult choices you can make, and forgeing through the difficulties does move mountains.
You inspire us all with your story
Jodie :wink: