Feronia's Log

[Feronia]

I'm not sure at all how to use this forum since I'm only familiar using the RR forum but I decided to just blunge in and try. Here's my first try of the logging. It turned out to be more revealing than I thought it would be.



Date: 27.6.2004
Time: 9:20-9:27
Place: my home road

Energy Level: very low, feeling like blah
Exercise Selection: walk around the block

Sets: 1 time around the block = 5-6min

Repetitions: no repetitions (?)
Rest Period: no rest period (?)
Rate of Perceived Exertion (RPE): 1
Rate of Technique (RT): 8
Rate of Perceived Discomfort (RPD): 1

Sensations: The smell of the summer flowers and the quietness of the morning were amazing, refreshing

Feelings: I realized that doing movement connects me to who I am. I fear being alone so I choose an illusion of being together. This illusion prevents me from really connecting. This thought as scary and as revealing it was, was made easier to approach due to my moving feet.

Images: I saw this image of a not even square. One that had two sides a certain size and then the other two were a little bigger in size. Around this square was an image just like the square, sort of like a shadow of the square, hovering about, trying to land on the ‘mother’ square but not quite making it.

Thoughts: I was thinking about how I do not like to diet. Diets make me feel wrong. But I do want to feel fit and strong and I was thinking I’m going towards that direction. I want to let go or work out of this pit of slavery and give birth to my birthright: being the warrior. I love the image of being a warrior.

Questions: Is it ok for now to do an exercise that is not so strenuous like walking around the block? Am I supposed to have higher RPE and RPD at this point? I seem to have a lot of muck around exercise and my body image so I feel it might be more beneficial to just sort them out for now and do lighter exercise during this clean-up. I didn’t realize there was such a mess in my body and now I start to see why I cannot seem to ‘push’ through a certain level of training.

[Connie Brown]

Ta daaa Feronia, congrats on blungeing forward and getting it right!

I will leave most of your questions for Scott but I don't think there is any "supposed" to have on the RPE and RPD. Those will fall out naturally when you do the movements as smoothly and as far-out as possible (when you get to the WW ones that have a range of motion.)

isn't it interesting what comes up when we look at movement this way?

[Scott Sonnon]

Feronia,

Do what you prefer as long as you're moving and keeping your exertion at a 6 or less on a scale of 1-10 and your discomfort at a 5 or less.

Congrats on your good launch!

[Feronia]

Ok, thank you for the feedback. I wasn't able to do my other two movement sessions after eating due to the fact that I was working. But progress, progress. I'll be integrating this slowly.


Feronia

[Feronia]

G'day,

I was thinking about that I wouldn't post my logs for awhile and just do it for myself, but then that just started to feel like I was holding on to the info and not releasing it, which of course spells tension. I was thinking about tension the whole day yesterday and I realized that the knobs on my shoulders and the knobs on my back they are accumulated emotions. They are my tension. I love that coach Sonnon talks about healing oneself. That to me is so comforting. I've been trying to go for massages and such but they just don't seem to help with the knobs. I guess it's because massage doesn't really treat the cause (emotional tension and buildup) but treats only the symptom. I'm so new to this CST. I don't know anything yet. I hardly understand the concepts, but something within me is deeply connected to this whole thing. It is so profound. I've never been this ready to take guidance. I know that Kathleen's work has prepared me a lot but still this is such a profoud change. I feel blessed to be on this path with all the SARPers and CSTers :D .

Ok, so to today's morning log.

DATE: 28.06.2004
TIME: 8:45-8:53
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: little sleepy, but overall ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk around the block

SETS: one time around
REPETITIONS: no
REST PERIOD: no

RPE: 2
RT: 5
RPD: 1

SENSATIONS: wet, clammy (?) (it was raining), slight discomfort in my leg, not a pain sensation but I could feel the existance of the scratch marks courtesy of Rodin (my doggie, we went swimming together, LOL)

FEELINGS: interestingly; blah (I was feeling good prior to exercise, yet during I was feeling empty, I don't get it, yesterday it was the other way around) I wasn't too keen on doing this this morning

IMAGES: no images

THOUGHTS: lot's of 'skipping' thoughts, frazzled mind, I kept thinking what do the neighbors think that I'm circling the 'hood' like this...
I was also thinking about wanting to build a steady foundation for the clubbell practice. Interestingly, I don't want to rush :shock:

QUESTIONS: Is is ok to drop any other kind of strength training while building a foundation for CST?

[Feronia]

DATE: 28.06.2004
TIME: 13:27-13:35
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok, slightly full after lunch
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk

SETS: 1 * around the block
REPETITIONS: 1 * around the block

REST PERIOD: none, good pace, nice flow with movement

RPE: 1
RT: 5
RPD: 2

SENSATIONS: legs were feeling slightly stiff, slight pain on the left side of my tummy, tension

FEELINGS: slight anger bubbling up towards the end of a walk (?), feeling slightly tensed and confused (probably due to writing prior to my walk)

IMAGES: none

THOUGHTS: I'm noticing that my sensations are turning from the external towards the internal, I'm noticing my body and how I feel internally rather the outside in which my body exists and lives, also, I was noticing my 'old' problems (stiffness in legs and pain in my tummy) even though I'm doing 'lighter' exercise than usual.

QUESTIONS: no questions

* It is true what Connie was saying, it is very interesting what starts to gurgle up once one starts to look at exercising from this kind of point of view. I'm not sure what this all means yet, but it feels so good to just do this.

[Feronia]

DATE: 29.06.2004
TIME: 8:59-9:08
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk around the block

SETS: 1 * around
REPETITIONS: nope
REST PERIOD: nope

RPE: 2
RT: 5
RPD: 2

SENSATIONS: feet are stiff, realized it is probably due to my choice of shoes

FEELINGS: ok, I had to push myself to get moving, I didn't want to go, but once I was going it was going good

IMAGES: none

THOUGHTS: comfort comes in the aftermath of effort. I seek comfort and in order to practice I must let it go (I don't mean that I must seek discomfort when training, I just mean that it isn't really comfort that one gets from exercising at least not initially, it's sort of like cleaning, I don't like cleaning per se, but I like the effect afterwards), comfort = fat in my case and I want muscle. doing = muscle. I was also thinking that this will be a huge change in my life and it requires being gentle with myself.

QUESTIONS: nope

************************************************** *

DATE: 29.06.2004
TIME: 12:30-13:00
PLACE: 'the woods'

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walking Rodin (I wasn't too keen on loggin this but there were some thoughts that came to me while doing this so I wanted to record it anyway)

SETS: our usual round
REPETITIONS: nope
REST PERIOD: well, couple necessary ones <grin>

RPE: 1
RT: 6
RPD: 1

SENSATIONS: none I really recall

FEELINGS: excited

IMAGES: none

THOUGHTS: I realized my energy and being energetic is ok. I've been trying to change myself into this calm and serene yogi, but I'm not that way. I sort of had a lightbulb moment when I realized this.

QUESTIONS: none


**************************************


DATE: 29.06.2004
TIME: 19:13-19:23
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk around the block

SETS: 1 * around
REPETITIONS: none
REST PERIOD: none

RPE: 2
RT: 5
RPD: 2

SENSATIONS: I felt my legs a little, but nothing major

FEELINGS: ok, feeling empowered

IMAGES: Darth Vader, seeing some jedi movements in my head, LOL

THOUGHTS: I was thinking about 'power', physical strength, I was thinking about the thin line between doing 'good' and doing 'bad' with the power one has, hence the Darth Vader image.

QUESTIONS: none

[Feronia]

DATE: 30.06.2004
TIME: 9:07-9:14
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk around the block

SETS: 1
REPETITIONS: nope
REST PERIOD: nope

RPE: 1
RT: 6
RPD: 2

SENSATIONS: full, head 'jammed'

FEELINGS: ok, little bit resistance to doing this walking since it feels a bit silly

IMAGES: nope

THOUGHTS: thinking about addiction and the community

QUESTIONS: nope

*****************************************

DATE: 30.06.2004
TIME: 13:05-13:15
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk around the block

SETS: 1
REPETITIONS: nope
REST PERIOD: nope

RPE: 1
RT: 5
RPD: 1

SENSATIONS: cold chills after seeing a dead frog on the road, I almost stepped on it, I was so much in my thoughts :arrow: realized I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing

FEELINGS: a little sad

IMAGES: nope

THOUGHTS: scattered thoughts, my mind racing, no clear memory of what was going on

QUESTIONS: nope

************************************

DATE: 30.06.2004
TIME: 18:59- (forgot to look at the clock when I got home)
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: blah
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk around the block

SETS: 1
REPETITIONS: nope
REST PERIOD: nope

RPE: 3
RT: 5
RPD: 2

[Feronia]

DATE: 1.7.2004
TIME: 10:10-10:17
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: blah
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk

SETS: 1
REPETITIONS: none
REST PERIOD: none

RPE: 4
RT: 5
RPD: 1

SENSATIONS: little twinge in my knee

FEELINGS: very angry, confused about all this anger, feeling ashamed

IMAGES: nope

THOUGHTS: what's the point of doing this? why do I have to do this? If I scratch the surface a little all there seems to be is this anger. I hate it. I hate that I'm so angry

QUESTIONS: nope

************************************

DATE: 1.7.2004
TIME: 12:24- (forgot)
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk

SETS: 1
REPETITIONS: nope
REST PERIOD: nope

RPE: 1
RT: 7
RPD: 1

SENSATIONS: pain under my armpit? (I'm not sure if this is at all relevant, but that's what I sensed, sorry)

FEELING: Feeling relieved. I've been really angry for some reason for these past walking sessions. I didn't want to write about it in here. I just wanted to suck it up and ignore it. I tried to put a lid on it. It just persisted. Then I somehow made this connection that there is this anger lingering in me and that it is connected to movement somehow. It surfaces when I move. It will be there till I deal with it. The food will help, but it won't 'cure' it. Talking about it will help but again it will not cure it. I need to face it. I need to talk to this anger that is inside. I hope it is not offensive that I write like this in here. Once I realized that I just have to walk through it something has eased up.

IMAGES: nope

THOUGHTS: I've been thinking about diets, body images, addiction, exercise and I'm finding peace with these concepts. I was getting in a wobbly place with myself but I managed to find comfort. (I wrote a lot more, but I sensor a bit here)

QUESTIONS: nope

*******************************

DATE: 1.7.2004
TIME: 18:07-18:16
PLACE: home road

ENERGY LEVEL: ok
EXERCISE SELECTION: walk

SETS: 1
REPETITIONS: no
REST PERIOD: no

RPE: 1
RT: 5
RPD: 1

SENSATIONS:

FEELINGS: feeling a little gittery, exposed, but overall feeling ok

IMAGES: nope

THOUGHTS:

QUESTIONS:

[Connie Brown]

Feronia a couple of questions for you.

What is the timing of these 5 minutes after meals? is it right after, or in the time period between meals?

You have been doing the food for quite a while. What would you say are your current levels of blood sugar, serotonin, and beta-endorphin?

on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is the worst and 10 is radiance.

[Feronia]

Hi Connie,

And thank you. I was first puzzled by your first question. Then I looked at my journals and realized I'm procrastinating with the exercising. I don't do it right after meals, more like an hour or so afterwards... Not good, eh? Well not good in my opinion. But I did ask myself why I am doing this instead of berading myself for doing it.

Then the legs:

BS = 8

Serotonin = 8

BE = 5 or 6 (this is not good)

Thank you for making me look at these. My BE's are low at the moment. I haven't been doing my regular exercise and that is my cornerstone for raising BE's. I really need to get back with that. I miss my jogs. BE's are my weak point anyway, so I have to pay more attention to them. I thought my weak point was serotonin but it does not seem to be the case.

Thank you Connie a lot,

Feronia

P.S. Since I'm not in 10 right now with none of my legs I decided to add these factos to my exercise journal. So for the next two weeks I'll be checking my BS, Serotonin and BE's.

[Scott Sonnon]

Feronia,

Connie helped you discover something very important here! Step1 includes 5 minutes of movement after each meal, 3X/day. Before you increase the duration, you must first create this ritual. Once you create this ritual, you insert Warrior Wellness into those times, and only Warrior Wellness. This will help your energy levels beyond what you can now imagine.

[Connie Brown]

Feronia, thanks for checking and getting back to us. I was not trying to judge or nag but I had a couple of thoughts I was exploring for myself.

One was, what is the difference between doing it RIGHT after meals or an hour or two later? I have done both and for me, RIGHT after meals helps to really nail the habit which is the whole point. If I put it "somewhere" later it is too easy to let other things take over that time, and also, it reinforces the thinking that it is "just five minutes" of movement, eg a throwaway, instead of the foundation for everything I want to build on later.

And the biochemical stability. We know from experience that we can be chugging along with a food plan that works, and slowly, imperceptibly, something changes in our lives or what is going on with our bodies, and things can go off.

So, it is risky to just assume our "regular food plan" is okay without also checking in with the FRUITS of the food plan, which is, how are the three legs doing.

Also, the introduction of movement into an already supposedly stable food program: it has to have an effect. I like to think my food program is the Mighty Mississippi, deep, broad, flowing no matter what. But what if it is really the upper Hudson - have you ever been there? Near its source the Hudson is small enough to wade across, it flows and dances around really big rocks, and in the high season it is great for shooting rapids.

Maybe what we uncover in movement is like those rocks, so we need to make sure our food flow is big enough not to be churned.

I will stop now since I am getting tangled in this metaphor (as often happens).