jimmy23
11-03-2003, 07:02 PM
Often times, I find myself drifitng into emotional states that are angry or depressive. Almost without exception, these are preceded by some sort of negative thought about myself. WHether it is about my job situation, my romantic life, or my physical condition, the initial thought will grow and seems to feed off my mental energies, until I am in a bad mood for no good reason. I have begun to call these thoughts ghosts, because often they come out of thin air(seemingly) and have no objective truth. Despite this I still suffer their effects- distraction, anger, body aches from excess tension.
In the past, I ahve probably tried every method known to man to dispell these ghosts. Alcohol, drugs,sex, food, sleep, none has consistently been effective, and often the side effects are worse than the symptons.
The Training Log section here has inspired me to be more consistent with my training, and more aware of the flowof my workouts from day to day. This greater consistency and awareness has led to an ability to train at higher levels of intensity , more often, than ever before. And what I have noticed is the grounding effect of an intense training session, how the ghosts seem to lose their strength, and disappear early in a training session. The challenge and pain of a workout seems to me like a furnace, where what one really is, is purified , and the illusions that we cling to are consumed. I become more focused as the fatgiue grows, and the ghosts and the accompanying symptoms fade away. The internal dialogue stops, and at the very end of the training sessions, when I stand at the end of my garage in the cool night air, the silence of the night is matched by the silence in my mind, and the heightened awareness of my physical self.
Training has many benefits, from health to coordination to a better physique,but for me, those moments of silence are the most valued pay offs from my training.
In the past, I ahve probably tried every method known to man to dispell these ghosts. Alcohol, drugs,sex, food, sleep, none has consistently been effective, and often the side effects are worse than the symptons.
The Training Log section here has inspired me to be more consistent with my training, and more aware of the flowof my workouts from day to day. This greater consistency and awareness has led to an ability to train at higher levels of intensity , more often, than ever before. And what I have noticed is the grounding effect of an intense training session, how the ghosts seem to lose their strength, and disappear early in a training session. The challenge and pain of a workout seems to me like a furnace, where what one really is, is purified , and the illusions that we cling to are consumed. I become more focused as the fatgiue grows, and the ghosts and the accompanying symptoms fade away. The internal dialogue stops, and at the very end of the training sessions, when I stand at the end of my garage in the cool night air, the silence of the night is matched by the silence in my mind, and the heightened awareness of my physical self.
Training has many benefits, from health to coordination to a better physique,but for me, those moments of silence are the most valued pay offs from my training.