3 Deadly Scarcity Sins and 4-Step Abundance-Defense

[Scott Sonnon]

3 Deadly Scarcity Sins and 4-Step Abundance-Defense

[Joseph David]

I really like these kinds of articles because developing the mental heiarchy seems more important than just developing mere physical traits.

possible mental hiearchy:

health: acceptance
mobility: proactive engagement
integration: resolve
attributes: grace
physique: flow

[Scott Sonnon]

I was interested in a really important issue: how do you help your friends and colleagues get back on track when they start slipping into the desperation mindset and attitude of scarcity?

I'd love to hear your approaches since our social network is really our "4th Skin" - so helping others is actually helping ourselves as well.

[lorenzodamarith]

I was interested in a really important issue: how do you help your friends and colleagues get back on track when they start slipping into the desperation mindset and attitude of scarcity?

I'd love to hear your approaches since our social network is really our "4th Skin" - so helping others is actually helping ourselves as well.

hello,

coach sonnon, have dealt with this very thing many times over the years. first and foremost is honesty and accountability. one must be willing to tell friends and colleagues things they may not want to hear. these friends and colleagues must also be held accountable for their actions AND their inactions.

getting back to coach jones' article, not everyone is a winner and not everything is excusable. often, if we let those around us enter the scarcity mindset, what follows are destructive behavior patterns. these patterns are not excusable nor is allowing ones friends to engage in them.

if one truly wishes to help a friend in this state, one must be willing to hold them accountable, but also to lead from the front with positive examples. in particular, one cannot allow a friends' desperation mindset poison ones own mindset, and this happens A LOT. it happens under the guise of "trying to understand" or "trying to be there for them".

recognizing the signs of desperation and scarcity and acting early to help someone in this state is immensely beneficial to helping someone "out of this funk". the longer one stands by and "let's them figure things out", the more likely serious damage can occur, up to and including losing your friend for good.

accountability also works the other way. if your friend is "going down in flames" and you stand by doing nothing, you are accountable for your inaction. if you intercede, you are accountable to follow through and really help them work things out. this doesn't mean doing things for them, but it does mean that you must commit to them and really take action.

too often, people "talk" and then call that action. no. talk is talk. action is action. these are different things. part of what will lend to a desperation mindset is the inability to delineate between talk and action. there must be a clear difference, or no results can be achieved.

it's not easy, and often, your feelings toward another will change, possibly significantly, but it should be worth doing.

thanks

[wiggy1]

What I find best, like in most other situations, is to talk from your own personal experience. In this case, I tend to tell people what my family and I have experienced over the last few years, share the lessons that we have learned, and just be an example to others as to what is truly possible.

You see, three years ago, I walked away from a very good job with the US government to become a stay at home dad. Why? Well, to put it bluntly, our family’s quality of life sucked! Being a two income family was having too much of a negative impact, and was slowly driving our family apart. When I left my job, we lost over 60% of our household income. Although we have survived, living on one income in today’s society is tough and has required a lot of sacrifice. Over the last few years we have watched others around us upgrade to iPhones and oversized plasma tv’s while we have re-learned to shop with coupons (like our mothers used to), walk and ride bicycles to save gas, and just live as simply as possible (don’t get me wrong, the sacrifices were more than worth it and have definitely saved our family.) Along the way we learned some very valuable lessons that I like to share with others (in no particular order):

1. Learn to appreciate (and get really excited about) the things you already have instead of the idea of the things you want or think you need.

2. Learn to differentiate between what you want and what you really need. We live in a society driven by consumption. Every company is trying to convince you that you need what they are selling. You would be surprised at how little you actually need to survive.

3. Be smart and be pro-active. Get out there and be active. Learn what is best to do to get the most out of what you already have.

4. Remember, our economy works on the barter system. Although money is the most common tool used in that system, it is not the only tool. Use the talents and services that you have and can offer to get the things you need.

5. Do something nice/good for someone else. When you do good things, good things happen to you. That’s the way the universe works. Use it to your advantage. One example: shortly after quitting my job (which I perceived as doing a good thing for my family) we were blessed with an unexpected gift that allowed us to pay off a debt. It works! (I could give at least a dozen other examples)

6. Know that you are not alone. You have friends, family, and a multitude of other people out there that are willing and able to help you. Do not be afraid to use these resources when you need them (just don’t use them as a crutch that keeps you from moving forward.). Then after you have been helped, go back to #5 and pay it forward.

7. Smile! You're still breathing -- this is always a good thing!

I’m sure I could come up with a few more, but I think you get the general idea. Don't ever feel sorry for yourself. Just keep moving forward. And I hope that each and every one of you get to experience the countless blessings that I have enjoyed in my life.

[Chuck Kechter]

Good stuff Brian!

[Ryan Murdock]

Those are tremendous insights, Brian, and they're all the more powerful because you learned them the hard way, under pressure, through overcoming the challenges you face.

I learned many of those same lessons through travel. I quickly learned how little i truly need to survive - that lesson's made easier when you've gotta carry it all around with you. I learned to put myself out there more readily - because if i didn't speak up or step up i would starve. There was no one looking out for me, and in most cases no one who even spoke my language. I was alone. It really forced me to balance my nature, to temper my normal introversion with a healthy dose of extroversion. Finally, I truly learned what it meant to depend on the kindness of strangers. All of these things have served me incredibly well in the rest of my life. Especially those early lean years while trying to break into publishing.

As with any mountain, there are many routes to the top. You've done a great job of extracting the lessons from your experiences. Thank you for sharing them here.

[vvvooo]

What I find best, like in most other situations, is to talk from your own personal experience. In this case, I tend to tell people what my family and I have experienced over the last few years, share the lessons that we have learned, and just be an example to others as to what is truly possible.

You see, three years ago, I walked away from a very good job with the US government to become a stay at home dad. Why? Well, to put it bluntly, our family’s quality of life sucked! Being a two income family was having too much of a negative impact, and was slowly driving our family apart. When I left my job, we lost over 60% of our household income. Although we have survived, living on one income in today’s society is tough and has required a lot of sacrifice. Over the last few years we have watched others around us upgrade to iPhones and oversized plasma tv’s while we have re-learned to shop with coupons (like our mothers used to), walk and ride bicycles to save gas, and just live as simply as possible (don’t get me wrong, the sacrifices were more than worth it and have definitely saved our family.) Along the way we learned some very valuable lessons that I like to share with others (in no particular order):

1. Learn to appreciate (and get really excited about) the things you already have instead of the idea of the things you want or think you need.

2. Learn to differentiate between what you want and what you really need. We live in a society driven by consumption. Every company is trying to convince you that you need what they are selling. You would be surprised at how little you actually need to survive.

3. Be smart and be pro-active. Get out there and be active. Learn what is best to do to get the most out of what you already have.

4. Remember, our economy works on the barter system. Although money is the most common tool used in that system, it is not the only tool. Use the talents and services that you have and can offer to get the things you need.

5. Do something nice/good for someone else. When you do good things, good things happen to you. That’s the way the universe works. Use it to your advantage. One example: shortly after quitting my job (which I perceived as doing a good thing for my family) we were blessed with an unexpected gift that allowed us to pay off a debt. It works! (I could give at least a dozen other examples)

6. Know that you are not alone. You have friends, family, and a multitude of other people out there that are willing and able to help you. Do not be afraid to use these resources when you need them (just don’t use them as a crutch that keeps you from moving forward.). Then after you have been helped, go back to #5 and pay it forward.

7. Smile! You're still breathing -- this is always a good thing!

I’m sure I could come up with a few more, but I think you get the general idea. Don't ever feel sorry for yourself. Just keep moving forward. And I hope that each and every one of you get to experience the countless blessings that I have enjoyed in my life.

I hear you Brian.

After my wife was pregnant with my first child we both decided she would stay home to provide a quality of life for him. She was making nearly double my salary at that time; on top of that, when she was 7mo’s pregnant she was offered a position with a major corporation who offered her a 6 figure salary. Needless to say, three children and 11 years later it is still financially rough.


We see so many of our peers “well off”. Vacations, new cars, professionally maintained lawns, all kinds of neat gadgets etc… We both drive aging cars, I drive a 92 Toyota with 206k miles, she an 8yr old Minivan with 185k. I’m not crying the blues, I’m sure we live much more comfy than many, I’m just pointing out. A few years ago I would rather die of embarrassment than tell anyone I was driving such a junker. But I’m ok with that now. A few years ago I would be embarrassed if anyone knew that I worked weekends in a restaurant to make ends meet and I’m ok with that too. We started out with financial issues, some of it our fault, some not. Naivety and stupidity are always a factor when we truthfully review our past. We’ve dealt with health issues with one of our children and are still dealing with an issue with another.


Though we perceive oursleves as having “struggles” we are building something else; something that is not tangible… character & appreciation for what we do have. Our perception of “struggling” offers us the opportunity to look at ourselves instead of being caught up in “things”. Things, whether material or not, can be an escape or distraction from the truth not unlike a harmful addiction. “Struggling” or challenges are a constant reminder of the most basic necessities in life… good relationships with family & friends, clothes on our back, a roof over our heads to keep warm, food, water and most of all inspiration for us to search deeper spiritually.


Over time we realize that everyone has challenges, not just us. Everyone has their own journey to confront. How we perceive these challenges and our attitudes toward them can determine the final outcome.


To keep things in perspective… Was it Will Rogers that said: America is the only country where you go to the poor house in an automobile?


I appreciate your valuable lessons, you’ve inspired me to write; something I normally do not attempt and generally am not very good at.

Regards,

[wiggy1]

Vinny,

That was absolutely beautiful, I'm speechless (well, almost...)

Though we perceive oursleves as having “struggles” we are building something else; something that is not tangible… character & appreciation for what we do have. Our perception of “struggling” offers us the opportunity to look at ourselves instead of being caught up in “things”. Things, whether material or not, can be an escape or distraction from the truth not unlike a harmful addiction. “Struggling” or challenges are a constant reminder of the most basic necessities in life… good relationships with family & friends, clothes on our back, a roof over our heads to keep warm, food, water and most of all inspiration for us to search deeper spiritually.

Yes, this is exactly what I was trying to get at. I was trying to frame the steps that we used to convert our "struggles" into opportunities.

Again, that was absolutley beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

[Coach Gostnell]

Vinny, for someone who's "not very good" at writing, that post is beautiful, as Brian says. And Brian, yours is outstanding too.

While you haven't taken an easy road, both your families have gained something that many "under-deprived" kids may never know: the time and attention of loving parents with strong values, rather than a shower of material goods and endless artificial diversions with which so many vainly attempt to replace their presence in their children's lives and assuage guilt.

Your kids will learn creative ways to make do that will serve them all their lives, whatever economic status they eventually choose. It certainly lessens the chance they will take for granted the aspects of life that are more important than money.